Young Writers Society

I like your idea and the words you used. I would like to suggest more capitalization. Also work on your dependent clause. You can't use " And" as your first word of your sentence. You did well though!

Hey, Cynder! Here as requested.

So I think one thing which really throws me off is the lack of stanzas within this. As I'm sure you know, they are usually used to clump together certain meanings and create dramatic pauses to give power to your poem. As it sits now, I'm having trouble wrapping my head around this. And it may just be YWS formatting giving you a hard time, so here's a link to help with that.

Onto the content of the poem. I see that the main point of this entire poem is to try and capture the essence of human nature, between being brutal and finding love, but it seems like such an odd transition right in between all of it. The very first line starts out with a very harsh words of fight and live to your fullest, but then almost instantly it goes back to a more peaceful tone about beauty. Meeting this ideal. Yet, I don't feel it's made clear what this ideal is.

Seeing this as a more realistic poem of spreading the message to love, I'd wish there was more power behind your words. There is more of a gripping persuasion between all of this in saying you must love. You must find that inner spirit within you and allow it to burst with passion into your partner. Really get those gripping and empowered words to set a powerful tone of voice. That is what you were going for... wasn't it?

Towards the end, I'm not really liking how you listed out the options, simply telling us what's what. Try to really bring it out. To show us more on what it is, how does it relate. With poetry, I imagine that there has to be that kind of flowy expression, but don't be nervous to spill out lavishing images to strengthen your words and your message.

Well, unless I totally got everything wrong. Again, I'm not much of a poetry expert.

Still, I quite liked it, and the flow in it was nice. Just take those suggestions into when you edit this further. Hope I helped! Happy Review Day and Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~

Hello Cynder! CHRISSY321 here with a review!

*Happy Review Day!*

This is just such a great poem! I love the message that you try to get across! It is sweet, and something most of our world can learn! I think that you do very well with poems if I do say so myself! I can write poetry okay, but I know that it is really hard, and what you have done is just wonderful!

Now, there is not much to fix. There is just one thing:

" To someone else.

In the end,

It never even started

It didn't work

And so on. "

I would put the comma after "It never started" because it sounds a little better, especially if you read it aloud.

Other than that, this was great! I just loved the ending! Bravo! Great job, and I encourage you to keep writing!

I like this poem, everyone has to know where true love comes from, within and not outside.

My review:

The first part of the poem focuses on beauty ideals yet it is only in the last part that the reader will realize that the ideal is actually about love. Beauty and love can be put in the same basket but they are not the same in context or form.

So make it clearer whether this poem is about finding inner beauty, which you start with in the poem, or about finding self-love which you end with in the poem. Or both.

This could be excused if it is free verse but the point is to leave the reader with only one conclusion about the real thing, what it is and where to find it.

Otherwise, well done, great message.