Haha, thanks everybody! Honestly, I'm pretty gosh darn happy with it. I appreciate all the criticisms though, so everybody is welcome to keep them coming! If anyone has any ideas on how to make it even better, I'm all ears!
~Cynder out
We tell ourselves many things,
Ideas: dreams, passions, all spinning gears,
All connected by many individualistic strings
Things that push away those stubborn tears.
Other times we become a pair of trusty wings;
We carry, hold-bear-their fears.
If word get out it’s pretty clear-
One doesn’t need to be a seer-
To know one will stand on a lonely pier.
For what we should not tell is very important as well
So if they happen to hear,
The time is near,
That him or her will be full of ire.
Whether we tell ourselves things
Or silently wear our friends’ personal, binding rings,
The endgame is just the same.
One is an allusion,
The other, the first step towards delusion;
Both bring about a path to avoid,
So that we do not step into that void.
But truth be told, I - yes even me -
I am a hypocrite.
For I…
Do the same thing.
And yet,
I am sure
That most if not all of you understand.
But…
We can choose.
We can change.
We can choose not to lose.
To exchange.
And yet…
Do we want to?
Do you?
If you could go back,
Change the direction of your track…
Have a sort of flashback…
To change what you chose to do…
Would you?
~Secrets and Lies
Haha, thanks everybody! Honestly, I'm pretty gosh darn happy with it. I appreciate all the criticisms though, so everybody is welcome to keep them coming! If anyone has any ideas on how to make it even better, I'm all ears!
~Cynder out
Hi, here with a review. First of all I really like the way you've layed out your poem, it really flows. I also like your rhyme scheme and your use of short sentances and rhetorical questions. The bit I like most is that you've ended on a short rhetorical question. I really enjoyed reading this piece and keep writing.
This is capturing for sure! In my opinion however, it is a little lengthy with racey lines which means you may lose reader interest soon. I love the idea and the language- its very simple and indepth at the same time. However, I would steer clear of using excessive rhyme of one kind (the 'eers'/'ears' rhyme goes on for quite a bit.)
Apologies for the excessive criticism, it is a bad habit. Loved your work though!
Cheers
This is capturing for sure! In my opinion however, it is a little lengthy with racey lines which means you may lose reader interest soon. I love the idea and the language- its very simple and indepth at the same time. However, I would steer clear of using excessive rhyme of one kind (the 'eers'/'ears' rhyme goes on for quite a bit.)
Apologies for the excessive criticism, it is a bad habit. Loved your work though!
Cheers
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