It burns
It stings
Never ending fear and pain
Unbearable and lonely
A type of burn only one kind of person will ever know
You have it or you don't
But don't pretend to understand.
It comes again:
More than bearable.
Alone you face it
Alone it is yours to bear
This path is not something to choose;
It has been chosen before your time.
Again and again,
Worse than the last time.
This time comes another type:
A different loathing, one of the self.
A cycle has already begun,
Forming an endless loop in your brain
Driving you towards Delirium.
A pattern you do not realize until too late.
Sometimes dull, sometimes not.
My friends try to understand.
With that loneliness,
One is plunged
Deep into a darkness
Not so easily exited.
Not because the darkness is real,
However real it seems
Because only I can see it
Only I live in it:
My own personal darkness.
My own pain~
My Truth.
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140,235 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
That was really sad. I am sorry about it. I hope everything shall be fine really soon.
As for the poem, it is, as always, superb! I loved it. The use of vocabulary made it even better. You did really well to describe how you feel, and also, made me feel that pain too! It was painful and I feel sad after reading this poem.
The use of punctuation was really good and so was your grammar. So overall, it is a really good poem will very little margin of errors.
"My Truth" Well, I figured it out. xD
I don't know if I was supposed to see that. Why is it so far towards the right side? There must be a reason!
But, seriously, I would pin this as my favorite poem so far. I really wanna write something like this too! It was just amazing.
Thanks again for sharing such a great piece of work. I really loved it.
Hello, happy review day!
I love how you go from comparing similar cases to a sliver of juxtaposition and then back to the similar cases. This hooks the reader and makes it a compelling story. I have a feeling that the back story is based around guilt. This is because you refer to yourself near the end as if you are finally revealing that you are the one who did it(whatever it is) and the guilt is too overwhelming for you to conceal - telling us that you are accusing others that the start due to the referral of you. The final reveal is shown in the last two lines where you tell the reader that it is your own darkness and pain.
You keep a randomised poetic structure causing it to be free verse. If possible, I suggest you add a structure to add that feel of keeping to the limits; matching the structure to the poem makes it more interactive for us since you are showing that you have to keep within the boundaries. Another improvement on structure is that you should split it off into stanzas - this makes the poem easier to read and gives it a neater look. (E.g. splitting it where you show repetition or have a colon)
Well apart from that, I enjoyed working out a theory behind the poem and I will read more of your works in the future.
That's all from me,
Godly
Hey there!
Before I start, I'd like to say that I hope you figure out whatever's going on, and if you need to talk to someone--I'm here. I know I don't know you, but I'm a pretty good listener.
Your lines are oddly proportioned. We have random lines so much longer than the others, and it disrupts the flow. Your repeating of
isn't strong. If you're going to repeat, at least repeat lines that are strong in metaphor. These lines are not strong. They're weak. it's pedestrian language, it's average rhythm. There's nothing there that makes me want to read it over and over again.
This is where it starts to get good. This is where I really start to sink my teeth into this poem and feel your pain.
I feel like you're trying to be aloof in writing this poem, and not writing your actual feelings. It cuts off some of the feeling that I think this poem could have. A poem like this, that's incredibly personal, needs to be raw or it won't be potent. This isn't raw. It feels like you wrote this inside a box and didn't let yourself draw outside the lines.
Haha, you're actually spot on. It's just that halfway through when I regained my composure, I realized exactly what I was typing and it was harder to finish then. I'll take any specific help you can offer. Thank you for understanding, and please, do give me some pointers
Cynder out.
In terms of poetry, I didn't find this particularly interesting. To me it seemed like any other teenage poem. If you want to improve a few things you want to work on are imagery and just overall content. In terms of imagery you want to give your poem some sort of context. It doesn't have to be a story or anything but giving your poem an object rather than just unclaimed emotions. In terms of content try to move away from the cliches. Cliches are rarely interesting. Instead, try to explain your emotions through use of different, more complex language. I think if you try this you'll find that you're better able to express yourself. There is a reason why poems are usually hard to decipher, they're layered, just as the emotions and thoughts expressed in them are.
I understand this is personal but since you have posted this I review it as a piece of poetry. As a poem being read by an outsider, it lacks flare, interest, or and real appeal. If it holds meaning to you, though, don't let me strip you of that. All poems hold meaning, if only for the creator.
Can you give me some examples then? I know you think that way, but please support your examples with valid examples. Cynder out.
Your poem is obviously based around this phrase, "Cringe, singe/Searing, fearing/Burning, loathing." Many of these words are vague due to their broadness. Loathing, for example, is a broad subject. I loath so many things. To make a poem interesting you need to specialize it to at least some extent. Simply saying "loathing" or "burning" or something, is simply not poetically interesting.
Sure, I can relate to loathing because I hate things too. But including the theme of hate cannot be as simple as throwing in the word "loathing." Instead, attempt to create the feeling of hatred.
I don't really know how to come up with an example for you but I hope this helps. You're poetry needs to become more focused and by becoming more focused, rather than broad, it will become more relateable and more interesting.
For anyone that reads this, know it is personal. It is basically a journal entry because I am going through some tough times right now. So if you have any comments for it, please be considerate. Thanks, Cynder.