Another Truth
You battle a darkness
Fierce and strong
Shadowing your soul
In an everlasting cloak.
A spell
A dark work of magic
That drains you of life
Leaves you nothing
But the emptiness-
The full body armor of a knight
You had thought protected your heart.
There is nowhere to run
No place to hide
All you can do
Is hope to survive.
You enjoy the darkness
Not realizing that until it's too late.
Enthralled and pulled into the depths
A lure that can't fail
A thin wire of Hope shining
Grabbed by Greed
Sure to impale
Draining blood
Your very lifeline.
What was
Is now
Lacking of all life.
Soul is long gone
Only weapon at hand is Hope
An ideal
Emotion
Though it can fail from time to time.
It is a light
It can grow
From a candle
To a torch
An alley of braziers
To the beautiful, breathing sky
Eventually the light can become life.
Stand united
That is freedom
You choose your light
So choose
Choose my friend.
I'll be there every step of the way~
Hope vs. Doubt
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140,235 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
WOOOW!
Have you taken a poetry class or something? This was like your best yet!!
The only part I didn't like was this:
The rest of it is so deep and incredible, so this simple rhyme doesn't really fit. Maybe if you stuck another line between them, it would sound better. Like this:
That's just a suggestion, of course. Take it or leave it.
That was literally the only fault I could find out of this entire poem. These "truths" you've written are just beautiful! You could publish your own book of poetry one day, once you've written enough of these, titled "Another Truth..." You know how awesome that would be?
I loved the imagery you used here, particularly the empty armor around a heart. And the last sentence with the little ~ at the end was so simple yet so incredibly powerful!
Nice job, girl!
Thanks @Wolfie36 ! Yeah, I couldn't find a deep moving line, so I had to type that to continue my line of thought. I didn't want to lose it. Maybe I should PM @Hannah for help?
She's not really on that much anymore, but you can find plenty of other great poets that will be happy to help you out! Look in the "Best" YWS winners topic for the "Best Poetry Reviewers."
Hi gorgeous
Okay I just want to tell you that I think your poem is genius! I have friends who have suffered through depression and I think this sums it up. I too have struggled with that raging darkness threatening to take over. The way you worded it made it relatable to people who aren't diagnosed specificly with depression. It also appeals to someone who is suffering and to the friends and family who support them.
"Only weapon at hand is hope" is my favorite line because how true it is for every single human being.
The only part that felt a little awkward to me was
"Leaves you nothing but empty armor
You thought protected your heart."
(Sorry I have figured out how to quote things yet)
The second line doesn't flow as well as the poem. The whole thing was smooth until I got to "thought" I think perhaps if it was "you thought had protected your heart". That's just me being super nit picky though.
I also loved how the poem started dark but ended with light. Overall I really loved the story progression and how relatable it is to so many people. Great job! I can't wait to see your other writings!
Thank you:) Actually, you are right about that part and I was hoping someone could give me ideas for it. Thanks for following me too. So don't apologize, k?:)
[quote] Paste quote here [/quote]WOW!
Hey!... welcome to YWS!... I am a new member here myself
But... WOW!
THAT WAS AMAZING!
I mean..you had me holding onto every word! It was like, you know,
at some point EVERYONE feels depressed and so, a person can TOTALLY relate to this!
And the lines-
"Leaves you nothing but empty armor
You thought protected your heart."
.
.
"Soul is long gone
Only weapon at hand is Hope"
The way you started the poem with those depressing lines -
" You battle a darkness
Fierce and strong
Shadowing your soul
In an everlasting cloak"
and ended it with -
"Stand united
That is freedom
You choose your light
So choose
Choose my friend.
I'll be there every step of the way~"
was what was just so touching. It helps a person feel like there'll be someone to support and that the hope isn't dead yet... it living and it burning, no matter how low.
KEEP WRITING, STAY AMAZING!!
Haha thanks for such the high praise! Any comment is always helpful, so don't be afraid to tell me anything straight forward. Thanks again:)