She stands there, waiting pleasantly, waiting to be seen,
While the flowers dance so beautifully as if it were a dream.
Her eyes are made of crystals, and her hair is sunny gold,
And God has named her Kindness, and Kindness can't grow old.
She stands there, smiling beautifully, and out she holds her hand,
While the winding winds rush wildly as they would in Heaven's land.
Her smile is made of summers and her cheeks are blossom pink,
But God has named her Kindness, and she's gone within one wink.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Hello!
This is beautifully written, and a wonderful meaningful message! Anyway, time for the (rather short) review!
First off, YES!
The last half of this line doesn't flow right to me... I feel like "and out she holds her hand" is just awkward to say. Maybe change it to "She stands there, smiling beautifully, as/and she holds out her hand". The rhythm would still work, and I think it would flow better that way.
This is a huge impact point in your poem, and I love it! The only thing is the firsts half of this ("But God has named her Kindness,"). It almost makes me feel like because God has named her, that she is gone quickly. I can't think of anything else that would replace it at the moment, though... Maybe give the reason why she is gone within one wink (because good things always fade away/can't last forever...?)
Anyway, wonderful poem! Fantastic job, and keep writing!
~Snazzy
Well you have a great poem there. Even if it is only in a few lines, you deliver your message clearly and simple. Nice job!
Hello, Godly here for a review!
This poem is beautiful! Not only was it well written with an interesting idea, the ending was impactful and unexpected. You have written a memorable piece with a thought provoking message which I absolutely loved! The first thing that drew me in was the personification of kindness. Personification poems are always really interesting and you did not falter my expectations. Another good point is your use of a rhyming scheme. Rhyming schemes can be difficult to master and thus many don't do it so I congratulate you on that alone. It worked well as you managed to make sense on every line without needing to compensate for keeping the rhymes going. Whilst the poem itself was short, it still said a lot in a few lines. Kindness should never be taken for granted because it can disappear just like that. However, no one notices it fully until it is gone thus trying to bring it back. However, this just creates a cycle and kindness can never fully be grasped as we as humans expect it to always be there. Thus making the message strong when you finish on the line and she's gone within one wink. Overall this is an interesting piece with amazing ideas and a powerful message. Keep writing!
All the best,
Godly