Where flowers live, the grass won't brown,
And where beauty is, all beautiful sounds.
Where a goddess walks, the sun won't fade,
And where divine things talk, the shadows won't shade.
~
Where blossoms grow, the trees won't gnarl,
And where summers blow, God shouldn't be far.
Where children laugh, the sky will smile,
And where pretty things pass, love stays for a while.
~
Where roses rise, our blood is pure,
And where peacocks fly, good rests for sure.
Wherever I go, the clouds shall shine,
And all feelings I own shan't ever be mine.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
I enjoyed the description of this poem.
Some things I would like to say about it is that the describing of what flowers prove is accurate and has a nice touch of imagery.
One thing that was odd was the mention of peacocks. Do you live in a place where they're common? XD
On other terms, just as advice, Try not to overuse "And." It makes it seem like its a run-on sentence that doesn't need to be.
Thank you!
Hello, Steggy here for a short review!
I think this is a lovely poem. The descriptions throughout really caught my attention as I was reading. There is some type of flow when it is being read aloud, the rhyming is like a beam of sunlight on a dusty floor. Anywho. The second stanza seems to be my favorite part of this poem, along with the last line of the first part. Though, as I was reading, I couldn't quite understand the message or meaning behind it (perhaps there isn't one or I'm just not seeing it.)
As a small suggestion, I wouldn't start the first line of every stanza with "where". Even though it gives a certain time and place for where the rest of the stanza is going towards, I think you could replace "where" with something else or get rid of it all together. For example, in the second stanza, it might be best to just get rid of. However, this can be up to you whether you like to or not. ^^
Also, I suggest reading aloud this poem that way you can see mistakes or if some word doesn't sound quite right next to another word, before anyone else can point it. This can go for anything relating to writing; it also helps with being able to understand your writing better, from what I've learned.
This line in the first stanza, sounds a bit awkward. I think you could try switching the two words ("beauty" and "beautiful") around. Or, perhaps put something in front of either word to make more sense.
This was a really good poem that I enjoyed reading. I liked the rhyming scheme and the imagery you had in every single little word. I hope to see more works from you soon!
If you have any questions, let me know!
Steggy
Thank you for the review!