I just held her hands and let my tears
cascade
carelessly,
washing the pain out of those scars
and warming what was once cold
beneath
my
fingers
and though I sensed that misery lay
upon her
like a
woolly
blanket
she could now share it with me.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,171 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
HEELLO Charlotte,
A poem about sharing the pain. When she's miserable and she thinks she's alone, you'll be there to comfort her. A true friend when the times are dark.
I always look for four things in poetry; rhyming, patterns, content, and length. In this case, rhyming isn't needed because it's a different kind of poem. I'm not sure what the pattern is, but I'm certain it's in there somewhere.
Content. This poem was simple. A little too simple. Yes, it's about sharing the pain, but I couldn't really feel the emotion. I saw tears, but for some reason I couldn't sense the pain. Maybe it's just me.
Length. This poem is short and concise. That's good, it makes readers want to read it. Long poems with huge chunks of words can discourage readers easily. But, some poems are better long. There wasn't really enough detail in this poem to inflict emotion on the reader. Making it a bit longer could give you more room to add emotion. Again, just a tip.
You're never alone,
Night Kaizer
I'll say that the last few lines are fairly eerie, so five points already for a good way to end a poem. You can give yourself a little pat on the back for this piece, it's nicely written. I could feel emotion, which is always a sure sign that a piece is at least decent. I also have to say that I did like the formatting for this piece. It works well with the length. You also have some nice imagery in here (the woolly blanket) and a nice usage of alliteration (cascade carelessly), which spice up the poem a bit more. Great job.
Haiii!
This is a very nice, short poem. I don't have too much to review because it's short, so this may end up being a comment. I think you should change the formatting. It may be just me, but the formatting was hard to understand. If this poem's formatting meant something special, then keep it that way. Great poem and keep writing!
~Greetings from Squirtlepowiee
This isn't trying to say that I could truly get rid of all the pain. It's saying that for a moment, we were both struggling together. 'Sharing it with me' means that I finally understood how bad it was for her, and that the memory of those scars still haunts me a bit.