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The Scars

by Charlotte2


I just held her hands and let my tears 

cascade

carelessly, 

washing the pain out of those scars 

and warming what was once cold 

beneath 

my 

fingers 

and though I sensed that misery lay 

upon her

like a 

woolly 

blanket 

she could now share it with me.


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71 Reviews


Points: 4793
Reviews: 71

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Sun Jan 29, 2017 8:56 pm
NightKaizer wrote a review...



HEELLO Charlotte,
A poem about sharing the pain. When she's miserable and she thinks she's alone, you'll be there to comfort her. A true friend when the times are dark.
I always look for four things in poetry; rhyming, patterns, content, and length. In this case, rhyming isn't needed because it's a different kind of poem. I'm not sure what the pattern is, but I'm certain it's in there somewhere.
Content. This poem was simple. A little too simple. Yes, it's about sharing the pain, but I couldn't really feel the emotion. I saw tears, but for some reason I couldn't sense the pain. Maybe it's just me.
Length. This poem is short and concise. That's good, it makes readers want to read it. Long poems with huge chunks of words can discourage readers easily. But, some poems are better long. There wasn't really enough detail in this poem to inflict emotion on the reader. Making it a bit longer could give you more room to add emotion. Again, just a tip.

You're never alone,

Night Kaizer




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14 Reviews


Points: 237
Reviews: 14

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Fri Jan 20, 2017 5:27 pm
DoormanDan wrote a review...



I'll say that the last few lines are fairly eerie, so five points already for a good way to end a poem. You can give yourself a little pat on the back for this piece, it's nicely written. I could feel emotion, which is always a sure sign that a piece is at least decent. I also have to say that I did like the formatting for this piece. It works well with the length. You also have some nice imagery in here (the woolly blanket) and a nice usage of alliteration (cascade carelessly), which spice up the poem a bit more. Great job. :)




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39 Reviews


Points: 2072
Reviews: 39

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Thu Jan 19, 2017 12:24 am
Squirtlepowiee wrote a review...



Haiii!

This is a very nice, short poem. I don't have too much to review because it's short, so this may end up being a comment. I think you should change the formatting. It may be just me, but the formatting was hard to understand. If this poem's formatting meant something special, then keep it that way. Great poem and keep writing!

~Greetings from Squirtlepowiee :D




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64 Reviews


Points: 54
Reviews: 64

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Tue Jan 10, 2017 7:52 pm
Charlotte2 says...



This isn't trying to say that I could truly get rid of all the pain. It's saying that for a moment, we were both struggling together. 'Sharing it with me' means that I finally understood how bad it was for her, and that the memory of those scars still haunts me a bit.





No spring nor summer beauty hath such grace as I have seen in one autumnal face.
— John Donne