There no such thing as a perfect moment
Once you are in the moment one little thing can tip it off the earth
One little thing can destroy everything
Small or big it won’t matter when it happens
You’ll wish you were never there.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Hey Cap,
Firstly, I thought the concept was good. It would help if you extended it, and made it about you and someone having a perfect moment together and then something tipping it off. That would help.
This poem really had no direction, I didn't know where you were going with this. Maybe make one of your own experiences into a poem, and see how that works out. It was also lacking emotion and it was very short.
This poem actually has some potential - make use of it! Best wishes!
RedLeaf
Well hello hello, I'm sorry to say i agree with what the others put. This wasn't really on my good list. It was ok at that, it did seem to lack emotion and as far as writing it was just kind of eh. And I also am in the thinking that perfect moments exist. Oh-well, that is my opinion anyway.
Um...okay. This was definitely what diplomats such as myself like to call an "indie" poem. Very...*cough*...unusual. I am of the opinion that there IS such a thing as a perfect moment, as I am fortunate enough to have experienced a few of them. However, this was not a bad poem. It was simply...oh how shall I put it...rather abstract and lacking in emotion. But hey, there's a place for that. Here's hoping you one day experience one of those elusive perfect moments.
Hello there
Hmm...I did not like this very much as poem. Call me old fashioned but it did not embody your typical poem. To me it sounded like the first few lines to a story or a chapter or something like that. Maybe you could use what you have right now to come up with something new and develop this a bit. Think about it.
Keep writing.
Hey Cap!
I'm not quite sure what to make of this. It isn't bad yet it isn't good. It comes off as more as guidance of some sort. No spelling errors which is something good to point out. Stanzas still need to be improved as well as use of grammar. This line threw me off quite a lot:
Tip it off the Earth? I hope you realize that the Earth is in fact spherical, not flat! It doesn't work for this poem. If you can extend this is anyway, it could improve this.
MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter(ROC)