I SEEK...

Hi CaptainRandom,
Well done on the poem! I thought this was one of your better pieces. I agree with the others, this is structured very well, even if most of the lines come in pairs. It also has a nice simple flow to it, making it easy to read and somewhat enjoyable. Really good job!

Here's what I think may need a bit of tweaking up:
Totally agree with Snoink on everything she says. She had a very good idea, take it into consideration. I think you should dwell on things more, like the others said, why do you seek happiness? or quiet? or peace? Explain that and your feelings towards these aspects.

CaptianRandom wrote:Noise, anger and war, it surrounds me and I seek a way out of it
There is no way to escape it
I can’t run,
it will catch me I can’t hide,
it will find me I can't fight,
it will beat me

CaptianRandom wrote:The only way to get away from it all is self quiet, self happiness and self peace

CaptianRandom wrote:But if there was no noise or anger or even war there would be no world
Nothing is perfect, but we can’t always have to live with it.

Hey. I thought that this was a good idea for a poem, and with a few changes, it could be better. The first thing I have to say is that I like how you say what is wrong with the world, and what you seek in it. It was good, but it is done a little too often.

For the line, 'Noise, anger and war, it surrounds me and I seek a way out of it.' I think that this is a little too long for one sentence. Maybe if you put it, 'Noise anger and war surround me. But I try seek a way out.' I think it is a little more powerful, and flows a little better. But that is just me.

The last thing I have to say which hasn't already been said, is that for:
'There is no way to escape it
I can’t run, it will catch me
I can’t hide, it will find me
I can't fight, it will beat me'
I think that it should separated. Just so that it is like, 'I can't run. It will catch me...'

But other than that, it is fairly good. But I don't think it is like a poem, because it just tells us what you feel, not shows us what is happening. But it was a good try.

Hey Captian!

I definitely agree with ireylcadence here! You are telling quite a bit! I think this poem would be a lot better if you took just one of the couplets you used and really delve deep into that. What sort of noise are you hiding from? What sort of peace are you looking for? Also, maybe you can maybe use a sound that is linked together and saying you are hiding from one noise but longing for the other... example? A gust and the tinkling of a wind chimes. You need the first for the second, but you can want to hide from the wind. This would really help us see understand that nothing can be perfect, but that life would be incomplete without it.

Just a couple of thoughts!

Definitely like the structure here. The lines flow well, and it's very readable.

The poem seems a bit too blunt though. You are telling, not showing. Perhaps that was your intention, but in general, poems that show are more effective in getting their point across. Let the reader think, don't just do all the thinking yourself.

Good job nonetheless. Keep writing!

Hey Cap! I didn't mind this poem-good job on the stanzas, very well done (most of it). The descriptions were very well done and the choice of words were well chosen. You still need to work on your stanzas. I didn't mind the beginning even though each stanza was two lines in length (which is very uncommon) but this did work in this poem. Just to nit-pick a little, the only thing a felt a little wrong was this line:

I can’t fight, it will win against me