Sometimes I wonder what death will be like,
Is it everything we want it to be?
Or is it plane darkness?
Is there a heave, a god and an after life?
Or do we get re incarnated and re-live life?
Death scares people,
And sometimes people want death,
Death can bring joy,
Death can bring grief
No one knows what death will be like, we can’t see into the future,
We can’t get someone to tell us,
And we can’t watch a tutorial to see what to do after death,
But what ever happens after life we just need to hope in the end we’re with our friends, family, and others.
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Hey CaptianRandom,
For starters, it was bland. It had no emotion because you constantly asked questions. A poem is supposed to be filled with emotion and description. It is a fantastic topic to write about as depressing things contain more emotion and can be elaborated more on. I think it best that you go over this poem again and review it yourself while taking in what other people have suggested.
MWAHAHAHA!
-R.O.C. (please join!)
Hi Captain Random,
I'll be honest, it wasn't much of a poem. It was more questioning life after death instead of poetry. The concept of the poem isn't too bad, but it needs a better flow, it needs to be smoother. I agree with the others, its a hint bland, it needs more emotion and feel. This is a poem that could come from your soul, it needs to be deeper. Keep it up!
Hi!
Ok for starter it was kind of boring. It is a great topic to write about because people think about death on a daily basis. But it needs something more a little sparkle. More description or you could tell it from someone's perspective, like someone who is dying. More action and detail not just you asking questions. This poem is pretty much you thinking, so if you added a little more to it, it would be nice! I hope i helped!
Keep writing,
KAH
Hi CaptianRandom! First, I'll go through and edit some things in red.
Others is too general. Just stick with "friends and family."
I kind of have to agree with TheNewHero that the poem was mostly bland. Try "show not tell." Add in some descriptions, and this will be great!
Heya, I'm TheNewHero! How about I review your poem today?
My general impression of this poem was that it was bland.
Basically you were just asking questions. I couldn't figure out if you were scared or curious or affirmative or... get it? There was no emotion in this poem and it lacked personality.
I don't know if you were just writing the poem for the sake of writing it or whether you were looking for a groundbreaker, in my opinion you should always look for a groundbreaker. I liked the line about the tutorial, by the way.
In Writing,
Heroic Antics,
And Nuclear Non-Proliferation,
TheNewHero