Sometimes I feel like I'm always left out,
Sometimes I feel like a miss out,
Some times I feel like I’m the odd one out,
Sometimes I feel like I just don’t get,
Sometimes I fell like I just give,
Sometimes I think if you wait you will receive,
But I never do,
Sometimes I feel like no one cares,
Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who cares,
Sometimes I feel like loneliness is the only option,
Sometimes I feel I always have Sadness inside me.
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Hey Cap!
I have to totally agree with Snoik-very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very repetitive (one very for each Sometimes I feel/think used) Kind of annoying, isn't it. May I say, you are improving on the whole stanza structure which I might say-well done! You still do need to improve the structure as well as your grammar e.g.
The comma after one and who cares following it, indicate that YOU don't care that you are the only one. I think what you are trying to say here is:
By the way, a comma is not needed at the end of each sentence, essentially, what your have here is one very long sentence that starts at the first line and ends at the last.
Hope I didn't sound to harsh but take on board what I have said and this poem could be better than what it is now.
MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter(ROC)
Alright. This poem is very rough as it doesn't have much flow and really any distinction or originality. In the quote, all three sentences end with "out" and it doesn't sound good at all. You should rewrite it and try to rhym it with other words that rhym, obviously.
Here you have a nice line, but you end it with a comma, when it should really be a period. This line doesn't sound good when you have a pause at the end. Maybe fix that?
Here you have two things. One is that, again, you end two of your sentences with the same word, and you capitalized the "s" in "sadness". Unless that was a typo, it's a little improper and I wouldn't advise doing that at all.
You need some work, but you have an idea, so milk it.
Hey Captian. I'm Freak, as you can see.
I like this poem, very easy to relate to, but I got annoyed after the first two lines. This is just too much!
Too many repetitions of "Sometimes I feel," and the first line starts with "Feel" twice.
You should/could make this more of your thoughts specifically, not just what you feel; full sentences of them, full instances. Ya know? What Snoink said.
Plus the ending is completely obvious, so you need some work on your conclusions. Teehee.
Well, good job, keep writing and try not to be so.....repetative...-ly. Yeah.
~CreativeFreak,
'Cause I'm cool like that (not).
Hey Captian!
The repetition here is... well... repetitious! First of all, you keep on repeating "Sometimes I feel" (with an exception of two lines) and then you have another repetition... you feel lonely. So you might as well be saying, "Sometimes I feel lonely!" over and over again... not very poetic!
So, what you may consider doing is, instead of saying what you feel, describe an instance in which you felt lonely and write about it... in poetic form! It might be a little difficult and it'll probably suck at first (because, let's face it, everybody sucks at poetry when they first begin) but the results will be amazing with a little practice.