The Nature Of Art

by CaptianRandom

Published October 10, 2010

In Poems

Hey everyone this is my first haiku I hope you enjoy it.

Look close to find it
It’s everywhere close by
Even in the trees

Don’t know what it is?
Its art in nature silly boy
Its everywhere

Still can’t find it, girl?
Use your imagination
Now let me explain

Branches of the trees
Bend and curve like warped in space
The orange leaves fall down

The roses bloom near sun
The season of summer comes
The grass grows green to

The birds chirp while awake
The butterflies fly with grace
The plants bloom with colour
Nature is art
You just have to look for it
And it will change you.

Comments & reviews · 7
User avatar
kikialicia31
Review
kikialicia31 wrote a review Review · Nov 1, 2010

Hello! I like your haiku. And I love art.

Bend and curve like warped in space
I love this part.
The grass grows green to
I think there's something missing here.


Anyway, I like it.

Keep writing,

Alicia.

User avatar
CaptianRandom
Comment
CaptianRandom commented Comment · Oct 31, 2010

Hi R.O.C
i am very sorry if i almost copied your title i did not realise until i reviewed your poem, i really did not, if it makes you happy i would be happy to change the title if you really want.
-CaptianRandom

RepublicOfCoter wrote a review Review · Oct 30, 2010

Goodmornin' Cap'n! RepublicOfCoter reportin' for duty! Now, what to say about the haiku...

I understand that this is your first haiku? You've done very well! It was written differently to how a haiku is traditionally written, by that I mean you start with a conversation then you begin into the discussion of nature. It flowed well for a poem but not a haiku which leads me into the issues I have with this:

First of all, your syllables are all out of place. I'll show you:

Look close to find it
It’s everywhere close by 6
Even in the trees

Don’t know what it is?
Its art in nature silly boy 8
Its everywhere 4

Still can’t find it, girl?
Use your imagination
Now let me explain

Branches of the trees
Bend and curve like warped in space
The orange leaves fall down 6

The roses bloom near sun 6
The season of summer comes
The grass grows green to

The birds chirp while awake 6
The butterflies fly with grace
The plants bloom with colour 6

Nature is art 4
You just have to look for it
And it will change you.

Now, that is basically all the syllable miscalculations you have made.

But I still have one major issue which I'm really not happy about. The title. I believe that you have reviewed one of my poems which just happens to be a haiku. And what is the title of that poem? It just happens to be The Art of Nature. I'm not going to take this up with anyone but I am warning you never to do this again.


MWAHAHAHA!
-R.O.C.

User avatar
Miyakko
Review
Miyakko wrote a review Review · Oct 10, 2010

Hey CaptianRandom,

This is great for your first haiku! Really good job! I love the concept of it and the title "The art of nature and the nature of art" and I feel that this poem explains this idea really well. Some things you need to fix up...watch syllables! Count them the good old fashioned way with your fingers!

Otherwise, it was really good! Best wishes for future writing!

RedLeaf

Random avatar
cfakc
Comment
cfakc commented Comment · Oct 10, 2010

Yeah, some typos, and unfinished thoughts. the idea is fine, but work on the details.

User avatar
itsjustemilie
Comment
itsjustemilie commented Comment · Oct 10, 2010

love the idea,
some lines could do with a touchup
but an overall great job

well done.



happy writing

User avatar
LadySpark
Review
LadySpark wrote a review Review · Oct 10, 2010

Awesome I'm your first reviewer!!!!!!!!!!!!! okay lets get started. but first the bolded part is the stuff that need corrections. the red is the corrections :)


Look close to find it
It’s everywhere close by using this word so close together is going to get boring. try to find another word for close in a thesarus
Even in the trees

Don’t know what it is?
Its art in nature silly boy
Its everywhere

Still can’t find it, girl? how do you know its a girl? try to make it unisex
Use your imagination
Now let me explain

Branches of the trees
Bend and curve like warped in space LOVE IT!!
The orange leaves fall down

The roses bloom near sun
The season of summer comes
The grass grows green to is there supposed to be something after this??

The birds chirp while awake
The butterflies fly with grace
The plants bloom with colour
Nature is art
You just have to look for it
And it will change you.



overall very good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~pointe



No great thing is created suddenly. There must be time. Give your best and always be kind.
— Epictetus