As I sit here

I enjoyed your interesting piece....It was a meaningful poem I mean don't most people just stop and think sometimes about there life and whats happening?...am I safe?....am I doing well at school?. I liked how in that short poem he/she sits and everything thats going on (summarise) in there life or the short bits and who thay think they are writen in a small text that sums up everything....interesting one CaptainRandom keep the great work up!

regards LightningBolt

Hey Cap!

I actually didn't mind this too much. Don't give up on poetry, you'll get better the more you write. This could be better sorted into stanzas, making it neater and easier to read. But you've got some really good descriptions in this poem, so well done!

I think maybe you took it a bit too far when you said you'll taste forgiveness and generosity. It's a bit weird since they're things you can't actually taste. Say something like: I taste the richness of generosity. I know it sounds weird, but describe the tastes of these qualities.

But really well done! Best wishes for future poetry!

RedLeaf

I really like it. Interesting. Do you think you could put it in a poem format, though?

CaptianRandom wrote:As I sit here I think, I think of what’s going on, I think about what’s going to happen, I think about what’s already happened. Okaaaayyy... I'm pretty sure that pems are supposed to be 4 lines per stanza, but thats an easy fix, dude.

I sit here and I feel the breeze in my face, I smell the flowers around me, I see green all around me, I hear birds chirp and I taste passion. I personally love that line, and wouldn't change anything about it.

I think about what has happened, I felt pain, I smelt hatred, I’ve touched greed, I’ve seen evil, I’ve tasted revenge. I'VE/ IHAVE this makes it sound more professional and less confusing.

I think about what’s going to happen, I feel safe, I smell love, I’ve seen good, I taste forgiveness and I taste generosity. NO i've on this one try, I WILL smell love... keep with the tense.

As I sit here I think of all my rights and wrongs, I sit here and think of my wants and needs, I sit here and think. This one flows perfectly with the poem, definetly a keeper!

CaptianRandom wrote:As I sit here I think, I think of what’s going on, I think about what’s going to happen, I think about what’s already happened.

I sit here and I feel the breeze in my face, I smell the flowers around me, I see green all around me, I hear birds chirp and I taste passion

I think about what has happened, I felt pain, I smelt hatred, I’ve touched greed, I’ve seen evil, I’ve tasted revenge
Okay you shoud change I to I've

I think about what’s going to happen, I feel safe, I smell love, I’ve seen good, I taste forgiveness and I taste generosity.
Reword it, i don't make sense

As I sit here I think of all my rights and wrongs, I sit here and think of my wants and needs, I sit here and think.