Every day i wake up and think DAM SCHOOL, then all of a sudden its the end of the day,
Every Monday i think DAM SCHOOL, then all of a sudden its the end of the week,
Every start of term i think DAM SCHOOL, then all of a sudden its the holidays,
Every start of semester i think DAM SCHOOL, then all of a sudden half way through the year,
Every start of year i think DAM SCHOOL, then all of a sudden its the end of the year...
WHATS HAPPENING TO ME, EVERYTHING IS GOING SO FAST, I JUST WANT IT TO SLOW DOWN!!!
Modly note: Edited for caps in the title.
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So this may not be a poem. I really don't know what the guidelines or requirements are for a poem, so I can't say. But what I will say is, I know what you're saying. I think the point of the poem is to show that our mentallity about school doesn't make sense. Let's face it, school is a huge part of our life, and most of us hate it and are wishing it away. But in doing so we are wishing away a chunk of our life, making it go way too fast. So I just wanted to say, that I like the idea behind it, poem or not.
CaptainRandom,
This isn't really a poem. I agree with RepublicOfCoter - start a blog. I recommend taking a look at some other users' poems such as RepublicOfCoter or Yuriiko to get the feel of what a poem really is. Spelling errors (yes, these are important!): 'i' change to 'I', 'dam' is spelled 'damn', 'to fast' change 'too fast'. Be careful of your spelling.
I feel that you contradict yourself towards the end of the poem, when you say everything is going too fast and you want it to slow down. Why do you want it to slow down? You've been complaining about "DAM SCHOOL" throughout this poem, and now you don't want school to go fast, you want school to go slowly!? Why do you want it to go slowly if you hate it sooo much? It doesn't make much sense.
The poem had a lack of rhythm and emotion. I think repetition is good to a certain extent, but in this poem, saying "DAM SCHOOL" all the time just gets annoying. You don't really explin your emotions much, or why you hate school so much. You also don't explain why going fast is a bad thing, or why going slow is a good thing. Again, this isn't what I call a poem. It wasn't smooth, and it was too short. I didn't feel anything, it didn't make me think deeper, because the poem itself wasn't deep. Don't focus on school going too fast, focus on the important things going too fast. Like, time with important people in your life or how you wish your childhood went a bit slower, that. This poem hardly has any meaning and I have no idea why this is categorised under 'dramatic poetry', this is NOT dramatic at all!
Keep trying, you'll get there! Best wishes!
Ya, instead of writing all I want to say is wrong with this, I will sun it up and tell you that pretty much everything I want to say is in the posts above. I'm not really a fan of this. You have a good idea, but I don't think it is well executed =/
Hey Cap!
You should consider to start writing a blog. I suggest this because this really isn't considered a a poem. You have tied both a blog and a poem which I don't like-it doesn't work. Other than that, I really didn't like the the constant repetition. Again, grammatical errors ('I' typed as 'i').
MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter(ROC)
If things were "going to fast," they would be preparing not to eat for a prolonged period of time. Upon seeing the title of the poem, I'm sure some people will think it is about having anorexia or partaking in some sort of religious festival. Grammar mistakes can be overlooked if they are minor and in the body of the poem, but if they are in the title, most people won't even bother to read it.
Oh my.
I wouldn't really call this a poem. It sounds like you are just ranting and putting each sentence on a line. A poem has flow, a rhythm. Yours has...none of this. Except almost every line has "damn school" on it. Let's take a look at how you could have made this better.
Issues:
-You forget to capitalize your i's! Capitalization is very important, and we must never forget it, no?
-You spelled "damn" wrong. The dam you put is like a beaver dam. I think the right version of it is "damn" in this case scenario, which, in that case, you should have rated your piece for language.
-All the caps, you don't really need it. If you write a poem well enough, the reader should be able to feel the anger/sadness/etc just by reading your words.
-There is no rhythm. No flow.
-It sounds like a teenage rant, not a poem.
-It's "Going TOO fast" not "Going to fast"
Overall:
I don't like this at all, I'm sorry to say. Maybe try rewriting it and try and give it some flow and meaning. This rant needs a lot of work before it counts as a poem. Nonetheless, keep writing and if you ever have any questions, feel free to PM me.
-Mizz-