This poem is my cousins and he wanted me to put this up on YWS hope you like it, i will tell him all about the reviews.
Anger is as angry as lightning
It bolts and charges
It shocks and stuns
But one thing it doesn’t do
Is make noise
That’s why lightning is compatible to anger
You can’t do anything about it.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,571 Literary Works • 673,487 Reviews
Hey Cap and Cap's cousin!
I really enjoyed this poem! I like the comparison between lightning and anger! I liked it because it was something really good tok compare it to, and I felt most of the words in the poem were true. But I think you should re-phrase the first line:
I don't think the entrance flowed well, maybe it's because you've used both anger and angry together. Maybe something simple like, "Anger is like lightning", would work.
Otherwise, I really liked it's simplicity. Keep the good work up both of you!
This was alright. Parts of it didn't make sense really, like again the anger not making noise? And when I read the last two lines they didn't make to much sense. So I kinda this could be improved, in my opinion.
Hi there, Captain Random, and Captain Random's cousin.
Next time when your cousin wants us to review something, he should probably make his own YWS account! It's easier for everyone that way.
Overall:
Your cousin has a lot to work on, here. He/She needs to remember punctuation, because even in poems we never forget to punctuate! Also, take into consideration what I said ^^ above. This has potential, but right now it's pretty limp and dull.
Hope this helps!
-Mizz-
Well, brief, first of all. It wasn't exactly pure genius, but it was good. Is he so sure anger doesn't make noise? When I'm angry I make a WHOLE lot of noise....lol. Well I don't really have anything specific to critique, since there's not much there. Better can be done, but worse could also be done. Tell your cousin he shows promise. Also tell him he needs to make his own account!
Hello there cousin and eh...cousin
I thought this was fantastic, the metaphor part. I liked how you meshed the similarity between the lightning and anger. However I kind of wish there was a bit more in this. I don't know, maybe you could have expanded the idea to get a bit more information and also add more to the quality of the poem in terms of emotion and originality. But that's just me.
Tell your cousin to keep writing poems, there is something great here.
Hey Cap!
Please tell your cousin that I quite enjoyed this little poem. It's nice and simple yet it describes harshness. Beautifully written and well thought. Claps for you! You finally achieved a well-structured poem meaning, you successfully put a poem into stanzas correctly! You just need to include punctuation and it would be an amazing poem. Congratulations! I really liked this poem. That's why I've chosen to like it *clicks Like button*.
If you continue to write like this, all your poems could turn into masterpieces! I suggest you get some more ideas from you cousin.
MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter(ROC)
Hello Captain Random's Cousin! And Captain Random!
I'm here to review this poem for you both
Ok, so I liked this but it could be improved so I'm going to give you some suggestions as to how to improve it.
This idea is a little cliche so you need to look for ways to make it your own. Perhaps you could include a character in this and give some reason why they are comparing anger to lightening. This is just an idea to make it a little more fresh.
Firstly, your simile at the beginning. It is a nice comparison and it sets the ideas for the whole poem. I liked this but I thought it would have been stronger if you had used a metaphor here instead. "Anger is lightening" it's a much stronger image.
Secondly here:
I like the flow of this little section but I thought that you could have used some more personification. Make the lightening like a person a little more and it would make this section a little stronger and link it to anger a bit more. You could also extend this, go to town a bit! This is the real meat of the poem.
And finally instead of:
You could say, that is why lightening is anger. It would link back in with a metaphor at the beginning should you choose to put one there and would again make the image stronger.
I liked the last line though technically you can do something about anger
But yeah, poetic license.
So all in all, I just wished you had extended this a bit more and really made it bold. Don't be afraid to go wild on the imagery! It's quite easy to tone it down if it gets to be too much.
I did enjoy this poem though! Tell your cousin that!
I hope I helped!
Keep Writing (both of you!)
~Lydia