Knife

Sad poem is sad.

I liked this poem a lot, and I liked that you described the knife so well. Most just talk about how it cuts through the flesh in self-harm poems, but you truly described it and what it does.

I also really liked this part:

Tiny promises

of a future so near.

Then I myself lay down for the night,

never closing my eyes.

Then I lay down in my bed,

never closing my eyes.

*claps*

Nice, very nice.

The imagery in this poem is amazing and you have captured the exact nature of the knife and your feelings exactly right. I like how you keep it in short sentences, because, personally for me, long, run on sentences bores me unless they are extremely well-written.

Now, going from the beginning. You had a very nice rhythm.

Silver and smooth

Shiny and sharp

The handle of gold (gold? Why gold)

Glinting in the light (Perhaps gleaming would be a better word?)

Run my finger over the blade (You broke the rhythm here, but no stress. Maybe change run to running?)

Blood droplets appear (beautifully written)

Tiny promises

Of a future so near (this is lovely, my favorite line it just shows how diminishing life sometimes can be)

I set it down

resting it against a pillow

Then I myself lay down for the night

never closing my eyes

These nice rhymes correspond to each other nicely, and to the entire poem. Though, like ulala8 say. I couldn't quite figure out the meaning, but it doesn't matter, because sometimes poetry is meant to be ambiguous.

Well done!

-L

Hello Camthelesbianpoet!

This poem was very interesting. It could be interpreted in many ways, for such as,

Then I myself lay down for the night,

could be understood as going to sleep, or for 'the night', which is actually an event (judging from the mood of the poem, a murder, suicide, or whatnot). I loved the way you started the poem out with the description of the knife, then 'Tiny promises of a future so near'. I couldn't help but wonder ; is the person, I, going to kill? Murder? Again, suicide? You did a great job.

Keep on writing, mephis

The description in this story is very nice, but I'm very confused. It doesn't seem to have very much meaning. I can't seem to find any sort of meaning behind it. My second sort of criticism is that in a poem like this, the beginning of every line should be capitalized, regardless of whether it is in the middle of the sentence or not. It looks and feels unbalanced.