"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" I want to scream,
It seems like everything good in life is only a dream.
You criticize everything I do,
I want my life to be new.
You tell me you love me,
But that this is how it has to be.
I regret every word iv'e said,
Every night when I go to bed,
Before I sleep I cry,
Because my entire life is all a lie.
I don't even know the real me anymore,
Everything around me is just a blur.
"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you," I want to scream,
Because everything good in life is just a dream.
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140,720 Literary Works • 673,677 Reviews
Hola, Subtle here for a review on review day! I like this poem, even though is a bit dark. I like the bluntness of it and the rawness of it. Alright then, let's get down to business. I find no problems with the rhythm here, it all flows smoothly.
Great opening line, as it is for the repeated use of the 'I hate you'. It just shows really how much the MC hates this particular person.Get rid of the that in this line, it doesn't really make sense.
I love the repetition of these two lines, because it really enforces the message, since you've said it at the beginning and now once again, at the end.
Overall, great poem! Keep on writing!
-S.s
Hey, Camoryn!
The name's Storm, and I'll be reviewing for ya this morning! Your original text will be italicized followed by my comment. Let's get started!
"'I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!'" "Hate" is such a strong verb, so the use of it right off the bat really gives the reader a sense of the speaker's powerful emotions. It's strange how a simple word can set the mood for an entire piece.
"I regret every word iv'e said," ... Just a minor typo here. Change "iv'e" to "I've" so it becomes the contraction for "I have". Also, this line is a great turning point in your poem because the reader gets a better glimpse at the speaker's feelings and mixed thoughts.
"Before I sleep I cry," ... This is such a saddening line! I begin to empathize with the speaker, but you don't elaborate much on his/her feelings and experience. Maybe try delving deeper into descriptions. This poem can relate to many readers' past experiences, but there's just not much there.
Overall, it was a fairly good poem. You got your point across, but it's just vague and... lacking. Maybe that's simply a personal thing for me, though! Nice work and as always: write on!
---Storm
Wow, this is well done. It shows how much hatred of one, (I think it said your Mother in your description), can lead to tears, which leads to regret. It is well done, and it is well written. This is well done, and I really don't have anything to say besides the fact that your "I''s in some lines aren't captalized when they should be.
~From the Reviewing center, fingers, and mind of GreenTulip.
Good luck with future writings.