How do i know that everything you say is true?
That every time you look in my eyes,
i can trust what comes next?
How do i know i can trust every move you make,
Every touch i feel?
What can i do to drown out the screaming lies from my past?
To forgive the cruel things done to me
And let you in.
Trusting all of what you are and say and do,
to be real and true to me.
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128,174 Literary Works • 671,488 Reviews
Hey there =) I'm here to review your poem!
First off: love this. It has a nice flow and it's simple. Nice!
I'm going to point out any errors/mistakes that I catch. And I'll offer suggestions! To take them or not to take them, that's your choice. =P
Hereeeeeee we go:
Capitalization. The "i" needs to be capitalized, so it can say, "How do I know that everything you say is true?"
Same problem here. "i" needs to be capitalized. Revised: "That every time you look in my eyes,/I can trust what comes next?"
Capitalize your "i"s. You're saying, I. So, it should be "How do I know I can trust every move you make,/Every touch I feel?" Also, I feel like these lines are... weird. Weird as in, not really making sense. I don't know how to phrase this. The first line makes sense. The speaker doesn't know if they can trust the other person's moves. But the second line doesn't seem to relate to the first one. I'd say something like, "How do I know I can trust every move you make,/Every touch you make me feel?" I'm being quite honest when I say this, but even my revised stuff doesn't sound that good (to my own ears, that is). It's mostly the second line I have a problem with. So if you can come up with something, maybe a whole new sentence, that can take its place, I would do so!
I'm tossing this all in because they all seem to be related to each other. The first line just needs capitalization. The "i" needs to be capitalized. So it can be, "What can I do to drown out the screaming lies from my past?"
The second line is okay.
The third line, I feel, has a punctuation problem. The speaker is asking what they can do to let that person in, right? So shouldn't it be a question mark? I think it should be reading a bit like this:
"What can I do to drown out the screaming lies from my past?
To forgive the cruel things done to me
And let you in?"
Do you see what I mean? I hope so. If not, just tell me and I'll try to clarify even more!
Nitpicking: OVER
All in all, I really enjoyed this piece. Keep writing =)
This is written very well. What gave you this inspiration? I have never been a good poet, but I can tell you are.
You poem told me a lot and lead me to realize, I really can't trust everything. Thanks for sharing this amazing piece of work!
I was inspired by a friend that can never keep a promise and my dad who broke more promises than i know of
Honestly, this touched my heart because I myself have been going through a little rough patch in life and I understand how hard it can be to trust and to gain trust as well. I love how smoothly this poem applies to my life and I just wanted to say that you way of putting words out there. Your words can touch a person's heart and I feel like it ended abruptly. Anyways, thank you for the touching poem and I hope you keep writing . Also, my favourite part was probably;
To forgive the cruel things done to me
And let you in.
Trusting all of what you are and say and do,
to be real and true to me.
thank you
i have alot of work i think you would like, please message me and follow me
Aww <3
Now, I have to say, this was pretty sad. It's really touched me, though. It's reminded me of when my older sister...well, she had a boyfriend once. She thought he was perfect, he set a good impression on my family, but as soon as the two of them were alone, he turned into a demon. He abused her, verbally and a little physically. He eventually cheated on her. Now they're broken up, but they go to school together, so tension is tough. At least, that's what she tells me.
Okay. Sorry. Anyways. In your poem, you say 'I' various times. Just to throw it out there, when the letter 'I' is by itself, it's supposed to be capitalized. I don't know why, it's just one of those, crazy grammar things that never makes sense. Haha.
Other than that, beautifully written. I hope you continue to write like this. I really do like it.
-huez
yeah, I just got a computer from school, and I dont have auto correct like on my phone that Im used to using haha thank you and please continue to follow me, i think you will like alot of my other work as well