Look of Disapproval

Lol, this is definitely my mother, except we call it the stare. The second she starts, your skin crawls and you suddenly find yourself wishing to do all of her nefarious bidding. It's like she mind zaps me. So, i know how you feel!

But, moving on to the poem. I thought it was good, until the fifth or sixth line, then it started getting repetitive and wasn't interesting anymore. But other than that, not a bad poem.

Thank you CamorynAnn!

Hey! I really did find this poem good
It was very funny, and It reminds me of that look of disapproval I often get from my mum, it's honestly very scary.
But this aside, I did notice one small thing I would touch on, and it was the length of the sentences; I thought they varied a little bit too much, and this made the poem quite disconnected and difficult to read properly. But then again, this is a small error and nothing to really worry about.
If you altered the sentence sizes to make them more similar sizes, then the poem would flow more easily
Otherwise, thank you for putting this up!
Jack

I loved this! I completely understand, that look that your mother gives you whenever you enter the room. The simplicity of this makes it very easy to relate to and enjoyable. I really look forward to reading more of your works! xx

Wassup, Ossum here for a review.

So I will say that I like the theme you have going on with this piece. God knows that we can all relate to it, and the viewpoint has stayed right on target. But the thing I see that can be improved is both structure and flow. In this piece you have tried to use the rhyming scheme A B A B throughout the entire work. Which makes it difficult to keep the flow. And to a reader, the parts that you struggled to find the right words shows.

The theme again is good, but you have to remember that flow gives the tone of the piece. If there is no flow, then the reader is left to create his own tone. Which is not what you want because it takes away from your own piece and makes it partly theirs. And then also, you lose them as they try to discover the flow in it, and lose it. Which makes it an unwanted read. Not that it wasn't, only that it is the inevitable flaw in poetry. Practice practice practice.

Not every line has to rhyme, nor does any line at all have to rhyme. Learn your own style by practicing all types of rhyming schemes, flow rhythms, and structures. It will broaden your skills and let you develop a writing style all your own. Hope this helps, and again, it is a good piece that is easy to relate to. Which does make it a good read. So take this critique as it is, learn, and continue to write on. I did enjoy this work. ^-^

6/10