It can be so hard to know what to do
Pulling teeth could be the same as starting new
Nothing less difficult ever may please
So it is as I write this, not with ease
Many challenges have faced our path
But its fairly simple to just do the math
A mothers love is all I need
Someone to love, to nurture, to heal all my wounds that bleed
Going through life
Taking day by day of hateful strife
I long for someone to rely on
To pull me through until morning dawn
I avoid you I ignore you
And I don’t do the things you want me to
But I struggle with demons of my own
They sit atop their golden throne
Begging me closer to their lies
And I follow them despite your tries
To pull me back to where I belong
Singing my own kind of song
I’m finally getting things figured out now
So go ahead, take a bow
You deserve a rest
And it’s time for my test
Because we can’t change what’s already been done
Only what is yet to come
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Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Ok, so here is the review I promised, except, much delayed.
Apologies for that by the way. So...
I love the fact that there is a rhyme scheme to this poem. However, I find the language rather simple. There is the potential for you to have been a lot more adventurous with your vocabulary. Take this line as an example:
'Nothing less difficult ever may please...' Now you go on to add a lot more strength to the piece with lines such as: 'Taking day by day of hateful strife.'
I feel that the opening could have been a bit stronger, but that the poem develops into something rather beautiful actually.
Sort of an exposition on the human nature in terms of mother-child relationships. And I think you have portrayed it in a very soft, delicate manner.
I really liked this piece.
Favourite line: 'Singing my own kind of song.'
Good job.
Keep writing.
~BloodinkSeesFootage
Hello WindSailor here to review! I loved the topic of this poem, because just about everyone can relate to it in some way or another, and it really made me think back on what my mom has done for me and how amazing they truly are. You chose your words in such a way that it really made me feel the emotion, the thanks that you were trying to express through it. The only thing I would add, and I know for many poets this is an optional thing, but some punctuation could be useful. Although I read it just fine without them, it might just make it look more polished, but either way excellent job on this poem and keep writing!
Hi there, CamorynAnn,
This is my first review/critique here, so I'm sorry if it isn't that good.
But I read your poem and was touched by what you were saying - I think your words come over as honest, and from the heart. I really feel as though I understood the emotions you're trying to express here - that awful kind of struggle towards freedom, while at the same time being so aware of what your mum is feeling too. You expressed it so well.
I'd say your work has a real maturity to it too, because you seem to empathise with your mother despite all the difficulties which you show here - that 'struggle with demons of my own' says it all, really!
I think you end on a positive note, acknowledging the past and yet showing how you're willing to move on. (I bet if your mum read this she would have tears in her eyes, because it's very moving.)
I found your rhyming good - it didn't seem to dominate your poem too much, it was just a nice rhythm. I could imagine this work would really come into its own if you were to read it aloud - say, perform it live, for instance! That would work so well, I can hear it already. It sounds so natural and just as if you could speak it in your own voice.
Good luck with your writing! - and I hope my review has been some help