My Rose

Hey there, Subtle here for a review.

This poem has a raw intimacy to it since it applies to you in real life, the feelings you have depicted here are quite realistic. Which is a good thing!

The rhyme on. This poem is a bit sporadic, as it is for the rhythm but I don't think it matters wight his type of poems because they aren't meant to rhyme since this all comes from your heart.

The ending leaves me with a sad, melancholy feeling, as if that this is all just the start of a huge journey going down. This is a good poem, and I hope the best for you in both life and writing!

-S.s

This is so sad, especially since you say it applies to you in real life.

But speaking about it as a poem, I like the lines,

"Its happened, I lost my rose

Now that its over

I've lost hope in my lucky clover"

I thought this was very clever.

I also like that you said,

"And I'll find my mask again at last

To hide my pain"

It's so true to life. We put on a good show for the world, but underneath we're just trying to make it through. The emotion comes through your words very well.

Thank you CamorynAnn!

Hi there,

Just a few things I would fix:

'Its' should be 'it's' because it's short for 'it has'.

You may want to reconsider your rhyming and whether it needs to be rhymed or whether it sort makes it sound forced.

I think it's got some really good potential and I like the way you use her name as part of the poem because it works really well. You should talk about her in more detail though. As a reader, I want to know more about Rose and who she is, and what she was like. What made her your lucky clover? You should tell us.

Overall, good potential I think it works well as a first draft. Read it over out loud a few times just to get a sense of what it sounds like.

Good job and keep writing,

H.L.P

Hmm... Very cool! I like how you put a past experience into a poem. I don't know specific circumstances of this or anything, but it seems that you were not the one who initiated it and you're very sad about this. You seem to be still somewhat attached and don't know what to do next. Anyway, technical stuff: About your rhyming: it seemed to be very uneven. It didn't really have a pattern. As in, sometimes it rhymed, and sometimes it didn't. Your rhythm is pretty good, not a lot of hiccups in that. I like your choice of words in it as well. Great job!