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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
This Poem Was a bit choppy and didn't flow right and it was very confusing. However I think that ifyou put a little more work in it it will be a great poem.
Where does it get confusing? I want to know where I need to work at most.
Hi BrokenSkye,
I'm not too sure what i think of this poem. I understand it - but at the same time I don't. The speaker can't live up to the expectation of being a royal's wife. But what is it about the pink ribbons that are so important?
In general it has a nice flow and all. But it's too confusing. And simple. It needs something unique, some beautiful description to make this poem memorable. Simple poems aren't memorable enough.
For example:
It's just a word,
ut it's so big, a gaping hole,
The swallows me down and twirls around me,
Sheltering my view with,
Swirling pink ribbons.
And you can probably do even better than that! I'm interested to see where you take this.
Deanie x
I have changed the whole thing, I must of been forcing creativity and inspiration where none was when I wrote the first one. I hope you like this one though!
This is a bit confusing. And the rhythm was not flowing properly.
I have changed the whole thing, I must of been forcing creativity and inspiration where none was when I wrote the first one. I hope you like this one though!
This poem is somewhat confusing. At first it seems like you don't want the pink ribbons, this is emphasized because you said "there is a name, that I can't live up to." It is assumed by most people that it is disappointing to have to live up to a name. Then, after the first line you do want the ribbons...I am just a little confused. I don't know, it just seems to me that there are personality changes throughout the poem, like you can't make up your mind.
Something I really do like in your poem is your use of literary devices. You used similes! Yayyy! I enjoyed reading this poem, keep it up!
Toodles.
I have changed the whole thing, I must of been forcing creativity and inspiration where none was when I wrote the first one. I hope you like this one though!