Young Writers Society

This poem is really strong.

It's really moving. The rhyme scheme is good along with the rythym. I like the:

I drank last night,
and I will drink tonight.
I will drink every night,

It shows the constant, never ending cycle that is associated with alcoholism.

I hope you keep writing more as this is really good.

I love how short but strong this poem is. Its melancholy at its best. It's tragic but beautiful at the same time. I love your style of writing its brilliant xxxx, Claire

Hmmm hmm! How emotional. You must have been feeling great pain, or at least channeling some, while you wrote this beautiful two stanza poem. I like your rhyme scheme too. Also there are no flaws here! It's absolutely perfect. You know, I believe you are a very talented poet, or future poet, and I encourage you to pursue with your talent.

Wow that was bueatiful.well done!

Hi ^-^
The emotional concept is hellishly relatable for those of us who have dealt with thoughts of suicide and/or participated in self-harm to release the tension of hurt, angry or sorrow.
I find it "stingingly" beautiful, personally. It gave me some unpleasant thoughts of the past, but it also made me reflect on the fact that these feelings and thoughts are things I've over-come.
Very relatable, very realistic, very understandable. But most of all, it's beautiful. What a darling piece.
(Sorry if this was too personal lol)

It is indeed moving. Personally I've struggled with suicide, and I can relate. Sometimes you feel like not dying but merely drifting away. I feel that if I swallow enough pills that I can just sink away into the Earth and feel a numbness. But soon I realized that there is no need for me to die. Just take a moment to think about some one you love. Imagine that they committed suicide. Imagine the pain and sadness. Now imagine that same pain but its the loved one who has it. No matter what pain you feel its just not fair to hurt some one else with a permanent action. Ok I just wanted to let you know that. By the way I liked it. It's very morbid. I like morbid.

How moving! It has some really strong emotions flowing through it. It's officially the best suicide poem I've happened to read and honestly speaking I haven't read much. But this is beautiful in it's own dark way. It's straight forward, doesn't manage to paint any picture in my mind what so ever, it's short, but the sheer strength of the lines used and the way you have conveyed the pain is admirable. Cheers.

Wow, I just, this *has no words* I am really into things like this, so it really caught my eye and dragged me in. I know the feels to this (just not the dinking part), But, you've captured it so well, I just, W=well I have no words, I keep reading it to be honest. I was really moved by this poem. I enjoyed reading it. Hope you make more.

~Winter

To begin, I must say, well done. Whislt this poem is short, it has a striking effect. In the first two lines you have brought in the emotions of sadness, regret and acceptance. You show us that the character is suffering and that they indulge in alcohol to rid them of their pain. The line "to where I can't hold a blade" makes us know instantly that this person inflicts pains on theirself.
In the second stanza, you have successfully let us know of the intentions of this person in the first two lines, and then proceed to tell us as to how it looks and what has been done. The final line, "and my eyes are forever shut" tells us perfectly that the person is now deceased, and also a very good way to end the poem.
You wrote this very well, it had emotion and something to connect to. Well done and keep writing!

Short and sweet and to the point. Having experience with disturbed kids, this was especially moving. Your wording was eloquent and beautiful in a dark sort of way. Even so much as two stanzas can be tear-jerking. A job well-done with this poem. Now I must go and eat ice cream and watch kitten videos to stop being sad.

This poem is brutally beautiful. At first I felt as if you should make it longer, since I never wanted to end, but the ending is perfect. I think you should look into that, you know look it over and see what you could do, maybe add to the middle other than that it is beautiful and descriptive. Evan though it is a spooky topic it is beautiful. I love that you used rhyme scheme. It fits the poem style well. It s dramatic and diverse. I defiantly want to read more of your work!

This is very sad and very intense and I guess it's suppose to be. I really like your first four lines. The next two get a little choppy - particularly the 'to where'. I think you should find some way to transition that a bit smoother.

For your second stanza, I think you should make the first line: "Goodbye. Goodbye." This will make the goodbyes seem more intense. I like your second line with the profound period at the end, but continue using it! You're righting about suicide!

My scars are open.
My veins are cut.
Blood lies with broken bottle.
My eyes forever shut.

I would suggest something like that to make an even greater impact on the poem.

Hi there,
I personally love this. I relate to this perfectly.
Anyways, the shortness of this poem is perfect, and punctuation is spot on. The message behind this really hit me. I like the "Blood lies with broken bottles" line, I don't find anything wrong with it. I also like the subtle use of rhyme, I think it pulls it all together.
Great job, keep up the good work.
P.S: If you ever need someone to talk to, don't be afraid to talk to me. I've been through some pretty tough things before, and I know my way around the blade.
~Kat.

Hmm. This is an interesting poem. I liked it but I still think there is something busy. I almost completely agree with Snoweary. I liked the way you titles the poem and word 'scars' was used.
What I don't like though is the repetition of the word 'drink' and 'Goodbye' because they are either unnecessary or just plain.

You used 'lies' for blood, which doesn't really work. I would suggest 'is shed' or 'spreads'.

It was short and there wasn't much room for improvement since I think it's great. Keep writing.

This is utterly a beautiful piece of poem. Although it's a short poem, it tells the pain the writer's wrote. I'm sure, a lot of people feel the same (as in the poem) the feelings inside. And I just loveee the title -Drinking Goodbye- It fits with the words you used.

I would like to point out this one;

"My scars are open,"

Somehow, I think this shows that the writer has done it before (cutting) for quite some time because the word ~Scar~ refer to wound that has healed.
This really touches me. I know how it feel.