Drip, drop. Drip, drop.
The rain wakes me up.
Thunder booms outside,
and I open my eyes to darkness.
That's when I hear drunken footsteps,
and panic wraps around me.
Like a snake and it's prey,
and chokes me to death.
He falls on my bed and pulls me closer,
then says something that is unauditable.
His breathe reeks of hard liquor.
All of this is just too familiar.
Daddy hasn't been the same since mommy died.
He spends too much time at the bar getting wasted.
And like most of his drunken nights that he creeps in,
he calls me by her name,
crying out for love that isn't there.
The bed hits the wall,
making a loud crashing sound.
The pain is unbearable tonight,
and I have to fight myself not to scream.
Because he enjoys it more when I do,
as if it makes him think that I enjoy it too.
He always leaves after he is finished with me.
And I try to pull myself back together again,
even though I feel the same way I do every night he comes.
Disgusting, worthless, used, and wishing to be dead.
I can't help but to wonder if he feels guilty,
and if that is the reason why he drinks.
To ease the pain of mommy's death,
and erase the memories of the night before.
When he comes into his daughter's room at night,
rips off all of her clothes and holds her down,
just to fuck something that reminds him of mommy.
I can hear daddy's loud drunken snore,
as I run into the pretty blue bathroom,
to fill the tub with steaming water.
I scrub to wash the filth away.
I wish I was somewhere safe,
but the only safe place is with mommy.
I am so tired now,
as if worn down by my life.
That is a time glass with little sand.
I remember my mommy's gentle nature,
how she always kept daddy happy,
and how she would never let me get hurt.
Tonight was like most other nights,
daddy comes in far too late and wasted,
commits his darkest sin and leaves,
as if it never happen.
Tonight is like most other nights,
where I pray to join mommy.
To touch her soft wavy brown hair,
and smell her coconut skin.
But I am here, and her there.
And I fall asleep thinking of her again.
Ok..so this was emotionally stirring and moving.
An amazing job, nonetheless. *thumbs up*
I do feel bad for her, she went through a lot and ending it like that only shows that she's broken form inside and just can't live more. Though, if you'd have showed her fighting through it all and still living, she would've been an example, an inspiration to those who had went through this..an unbroken, strong spirit...but liked what you wrote.
Keep up the good work!
Everyone who has commented so far, has said the same thing you have, that the ending is sad and would be better for her to live or escape. I took that into a deep consideration and I hope you like the new ending.
Wow!
This is intense and amazing.
I didn't enjoy reading it but I do love it. There is so much emotion behind it.
There are things which do need to be tweeked a bit.
You have a lot of information in it and I feel as if you don't really need it. That the narrative can still be whole without it.
Also like Shadows said you need to reread it because there are a few lines that need to be changed a bit.
Just tweek a few things and I think you will have an amazing poem!
Great job!
Nargles xxx
Thank you for letting me know that there were words missing! Gosh, that is so embarrassing! That is a prime example of a late night mess up! But I am sorry you didn't enjoy reading it, I did just change the ending and hope that it will better your liking for this piece.
Thank you for letting me know that there were words missing! Gosh, that is so embarrassing! That is a prime example of a late night mess up! But I am sorry you didn't enjoy reading it, I did just change the ending and hope that it will better your liking for this piece.
Aww, poor thing, nearly cried when she was raped and again nearly cried when she tried to kill herself, i know of too much suicide, i feel sorry for her. Good poem, probably would have worked better as a story and with how much is in it as it is if it was changed into a story it would be very easy for you too make it very detailed, but thats a sad idea, noone really likes reading suicide. Good job, you might need to work on rereading your work because there were lines that were missing a word or two. Keep going and don't be afraid to try and show the world your work.
S.K
Hey Shadows! Thanks for being the first to comment on my piece! Very much appreciated! But I wanted to inform you of the ending being changed and if it is better this way without it ending in suicide. And also thanks for pointing out that I was missing words! It is super embarrassing to see that my late night poem, also had late night errors!