If I Can Choose

I really loved the short story that the poem is telling especially the rhyming;-) I hope you can make more poems and with the same emotion this poem had.

Oh wow so much emotion it almost made me cry. It was beautiful and sad all at once. I could see and feel the pain a desire in this poem and just felt so connected with it but at the same time trying to figure out what it could possible feel like to lose some one and only want to be with them. Just loved it!!

I always enjoy reading poems about compassion. The rhyme scheme is whole but, as Storyweaver13 says, you need the appropriate number of syllables in each line, or else the rhythm gets all messed up.

Overall:

Great poem, keep writing

Favorite Part:

"If I have the choice of what to do,
I will pick to walk the Earth with you,
to see this through your point of view,
and to guide you until you make it through."

Hey! Okay, so this has a glimmer of potential, but it's lost in the muddle of your lacking rhythm and your very restricting rhyme scheme. The concept is pleasant and intriguing in a romanticized but simultaneously subdued kind of way, and there is a lyrical quality in the words despite their lack of a flow. I particularly like the lines

"If I have the choice of what to do,
I will pick to walk the Earth with you,
to see this through your point of view,
and to guide you until you make it through."

They're simple, but effective. But even here the rhythm is off. And it's consistently off. It never
*quite* works.

My advice would be to make sure that you get the appropriate number of syllables in each line, because otherwise it will come off as sloppy and maudlin. You really need a beat to make a poem like this work, so don't let that slip up. This poem needs some work, but I can definitely see it working well with a little effort.

Keep writing, and best wishes. xxx

Hi! Im OpenYourMind! This is amazing. I cried. These are actually my thoughts. I love this. I hope you don't mind if I share it with some friends! It's just absolutley amazing!!! Really though, I like it.