Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,240 Literary Works • 673,051 Reviews
I thought this was a very sad, yet touching poem. you introduced it well and gave us a good Idea as to what was taking place. In the first stanza, you have touched on the reasons as to why the character is overdosing.
In the second stanza, you bring in a sense of desperation adn fear. The line "'Someone, please!' they plead," gives an image of someone screaming and crying over a corpse, which is good because it really involves the reader.
The last stanza, tells us that the character had a life, had loved ones and that they were giving them a good-bye, forever. The final line "For I am not coming home to you." Was an excellent way to finish the poem, giving a sense that everything is over.
Despite the fact I really enjoyed this poem, I must admit, I would have liked a bit more depth as to the reason of the suicide. Did someone hurt the? Was there a tragedy? These are things that make me wonder as to the reasons of the passing character. But apart from that, I thought it flowed really well, portrayed emotions really well and was well set up. In other words well done.
I will try to work on adding some reasoning into it, thanks.
Ok...ok...ok, am not the king of poems but i've gotta say that though yours is a very good attempt, it does need some more work.
Firstly, adding some rhyming last words could get at least some interest from readers. Poems which have rhymes tend to me more in tune than others...they tend to move smoothly like a symphony.
Also, i think you can try to make the whole thing a little more harmonious. I don't know about others but i've gotta tell you that the paragraphs to match too properly.
Anyway, it's a good effort....keep it up
I think this poem is actually very good! A few things I noticed were that I feel the second stanza should be equal in lines and that the line "Someone, please! they plead" is a sort of repetition. Plead and please are kind of the same thing. I would change 'plead' to 'beg' or 'cry'. Something along those lines. Besides that I enjoy this dark poem and I think keeping it short is a great effect for it.
Happy Writing!