A/N: This is not about me, but simply about someone going through it. This is written in their perspective and in their in own voice. I hope I do it justice.
"You're an ugly little fatty."
Those words hit me like a bullet
And that's the day the war started.
It was me against my body.
In the beginning it was hard,
I refused to eat any dessert.
I made my way to the gym
At least two times a day.
I started to see results.
And I was pleased with them.
I then started setting goals.
I wanted to lose more and fast.
I soon became obsessed.
I refused to eat any carbs.
I woke up in the middle of the night
Just to do crunches, push ups, and sit-ups.
The more I lost
The happier I became.
I was on an emotional high.
I looked skinny, but not skinny enough.
I began to crave losing weight.
I started setting higher goals.
I wanted to lose more pounds
At a faster rate and pace.
People started noticing me.
They told me to eat something.
They told me that I was too skinny.
I didn't beleive them, I was still fat.
My parents finally took action
When they found me passed out
On the bathroom floor.
I was getting too weak.
The doctors diagnosed me
With a severe eating disorder.
I was admitted into the hospital,
And put on a diet for treatment.
I was brought on this horrible journey
Because of one stupid comment.
I am living and breathing proof
That words hurt and do damage.
~Be careful about what you say.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
Hey! This is a BEAUTIFUL poem about what it's like to have an eating disorder. It really describes the thought processes of someone who does. And as someone who has had low self esteem for a while I really appreciated this poem. It has a powerful message. Not many people know or want to talk about this topic and it's great that you did. I'd have to say that maybe it was a little rocky at first but it had a great ending. Keep writing!! <3
Sarah24
Hello! Firstly, I admire you for speaking up about such important topic with your poem, as it kind of touches us all. You're right about tiny comments changing people's mindsets ad often even their whole lives. I really like your poem's flow, even though I'd advice you to maybe express your feelings more than the process of the ed? It'd come out more raw that way. But I totally understand how hard that is, so the poem's already good the way it is.
xxxx
Hey,Bball41! Steam1244 here to give you a review!
You have taken a serious topic and I think you did a great job on writing about it. I do have a few things to say about your poem though. So let's get started with the review!
Punctuation. A few lines need to have a comma instead of a period but that was the only thing I had noticed. Line three, needs to have a comma instead of a period because "And" is a clause, and it would make more sense for your poem to have a comma. Line nine, doesn't need a period at all as it could continue onto the next line and make perfect sense. Those are just some examples from your poem that you might like to fix.
I would also like to see the struggle of the girl or the boy (because boys can have anorexia too). Show me how they felt and how they changed, not just physically but emotionally too. Use more descriptive words instead of just saying something explain how it felt.
Overall, I thought your poem was pretty good. Your poem also touched me because I relate to this and I loved how it wasn't stereotypical version of Anorexia Nervosa. Because this is a serious topic I applaud you for having great work. Sadly, all reviews must come to an end and this one has to stop now. I thank you for your time and I hope you have a great day!
xo. VegasLights
(Previously Steam1244)
Hey Bball41 :3 BornLoser is here to review your poem ^_^
You've chosen a serious topic in which to write about, and I applaud you as it's a rarely written about topic (I think?). I feel, though, that you haven't really given much depth to the situation. Yes, anorexics start off by losing weight because they think they are fat and then get obsessed with losing weight, but what about how the protagonist feels? Why not add a few rhetorical questions to show that they doubt themselves and what they are doing? I don't know, these are just suggestions :3
Overall, the structure of the poem and your writing style is good ^.^
Sorry this is such a short review, this is my first review XD
Keep writing!
Hey
This is a massive topic that you've taken on. I think it needs to be fleshed out considerably.
First of all, those words would have hurt, but tell us more. People don't have anorexia because someone said something like that. Sure it would make things worse, but there is so much more depth to an eating disorder.
You've given us the dot points, the 'this is what anorexia looks like' but I want more. Tell us more about the fear, more about the struggle, the mental disintegration. Watch some movies about it, read some auto biographies, give us the real stuff, yeah?
On a different note, I quite like your writing style. Very clean and direct. Nice work
Hey there Kat here to review from my pone excuse typos .
It's midnight so this may not be as quality but this really spoke to me and welcome to yws. I have a friend who doesn't eat and people call him fat all the time so I make him come over and eat and I love him dearly . The boy is a toothpick , no joke . This is really sad and I think you expressed this very well . Everyone has a beautiful body unless it's hurting their health and that's something people just can't accept especially with peer pressure . Nice flow so I as te reader could keep focused on the content I could see this lean handsome boy and this really fat kid calling him fat and then him going home and obsessing about becoming skinny . Like a walking skeleton with skin .
Thank you so much for this you really have a talent to make me think so deeply .