I'm invisible.
Not literary,
but I am every other way.
Because invisibility
tend to happen
to the quiet,
to the lonely,
and to the abandoned.
Everyone has someone,
they all are happy
because they all have a friend.
But me?
When I stand in horde of people
The realization strikes me,
That I have no one.
No one talks to me.
It's inexplicable
if they even acknowledge me.
I am drowning in a sea
of my own sorrowing tears.
I'm done struggling.
No one is going to save me.
I will cease to exist.
And when I do,
maybe then
people will start to notice me,
and I won't be invisible anymore.
To bad I won't be there to witness it.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,106 Literary Works • 673,010 Reviews
Hi.
Oh can I say that this is vivid. The way you describe it, amazing! If I read it loud here maybe I'll cry because sometimes I feel the poem describe somethings of me. Add some metaphors and tears will sting my eyes for sure. I love this 'metaphors' thing because when someone read it they will definitely know it. So don't be shy to use 'overrated' words. Finally, my eyes are starting to bleed a river of my scarlet blood when I read this aloud again. Thanks for sharing and I hope this helped.
Hello
This poem is seriously amazing, I could feel your pain and emotion that has gone into this. You're a great writer! I also hope that you're good and safe.
Review Time
I read this as how i would've spoken it. So I think if there were capitalization is the poem it could been even more effective. It's great how you have pauses as well because it empathizes it even more.
Besides that ^^ that's all I have to say really!
You're a great writer!!
Hello! Tigerlilly here for a review!
I really enjoyed this poem. It made me feel the pain through the words it said, and actually made me realize that a lot of people feel this way. People do need to be more cautious about how they treat others, but its not something that's an easy fix considering our ignorant, arrogant, and stupid nature. I do, however, feel that this poem is definitely taking a step towards being able to show someone how it hurts. Typically a person will respond when they see the hurt that they put someone through. The other 25% of the time they are just heartless jerks. Anyways... Sorry I ranted on that. Now for the critiquing!
"I'm invisible.
Not literary,
but I am every other way."
I think, personally, with a poem as powerful and emotional as this that you could maybe capitalize the word invisible to make it stand out to the reader. On the second line, I believe you were trying to say literally rather than literary.
"Because invisibility
tend to happen"
Again, I think capitalizing the word invisibility would help it stand out. Also, the second line just put an 's' at the end of tend to make it grammatically correct.
Other than those few nitpicks, I loved this poem. Keep writing; you have talent!
If this is based on your real feelings--I'm sorry that you feel that way. I'll be praying for you.
If it's just a random poem--you did a great job conveying emotion.
Either way:
"tend to happen" should be "tends to happen"; "horde of people" should be "hordes of people"; "To bad" should be "too"; despite those little things, this poem is amazingly written; keep writing!!!