I an not perfect
Not will I ever be.
But that does not mean
That God does not love me.
*
God didn't send his son
For the perfected.
No! He can for the dead in sin,
Broken down, and the neglected.
*
So, why do so many people see
A God who is constantly saying:
"No, I can't love you,
You are simply dismaying."
*
Let's get real for a second.
If God really said that
It's just like a baseball player
Swinging to a pitch without a bat.
*
It makes no sense.
If God didn't love you
Then it's safe to say
That you and I wouldn't be here today.
*
But God loves you.
And while he may be just,
He's merciful and mighty
Someone whom you can trust.
*
If you still don't believe
That Gods love is true
Then I suggest you look up
A verse in Ephesians chapter 2.
*
Ephesians 2:4-5 states,
That God's aboundless love and grace
Chose the dead in sin to be revived
By Jesus Christ, which symbolizes His warm embrace.
*
God understands that you have problems.
That you come before him broken.
But that's why he sent his son to die,
Because he wanted to meet you with arms wide open
*
You can never be so bad.
You can never fall so far.
To have God forget
Who you really are.
*
Through God's love you are perfect.
By his strength you are strong.
That's why Jesus came to the world.
He came To right all of our wrongs
*
God's love is true and worthy.
He treasures you more than gold.
His love for you loves deeply my friend.
And it was declared by the gospel that he lived out and told.
*
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
Hi there I am Becca
I like the concept or theme of the poem, that God loves us all. But I must say that I think it is too repetitious, you could have been simple and straight to the point without mentioning time and again that God loves us and that He gave His Son, so we could be saved.
Next time try to be more brief.
Also I noticed wrong usages of certain words- which I believe others have mentioned.
Good theme, keep it up!
Hi there I am Becca
I like the concept or theme of the poem, that God loves us all. But I must say that I think it is too repetitious, you could have been simple and straight to the point without mentioning time and again that God loves us and that He gave His Son, so we could be saved.
Next time try to be more brief.
Also I noticed wrong usages of certain words- which I believe others have mentioned.
Good theme, keep it up!
Hello!
This was a simple poem with a nice sentiment. I love the "God loves all" theme.
Usually I find religious poems almost unbearable preachy. This one was not unbearably so.
I think you could improve it and make it a little less preachy by doing a couple things:
First, repetition can be good, but it can also be bad. Here, I think, it is bad. Repetition is nice when it's a repeated phrase or word or something, but I don't thing that's needed in this poem, and you don't really have it. What you have is a repetition of meaning, which is almost never good. It's saying the same thing over and over again but wording it differently and presenting it as a new thought. That makes the reader roll his or her eyes and say "yeah, yeah, I know, you already told me. Get to the new stuff already!"
It's akin to some advertiser saying something like:
The new hoozimawatchit can hold your drinks!
Our product has several cup holders!
The revolutionary circle technology keeps you from needing your hands to hold cups!
One feature of our hoozimawatchit is it's ability to reduce spills!
etc. etc.
Poems are about providing information and emotion in a short amount of time and words. That means that short poems, if done right, can be way more impactful than a long poem that says the same thing. Short poems also hold the readers' attentions longer.
I think if you cut down on the repetition here then it will shorten the poem's length, providing all those good benefits I mentioned.
one instance of repetition I found were stanzas that said something like "and that's why God // sent christ// to attone// because he loves us." You say something like that several times in the poem. I understand that it's important, but I think it will be more powerful if you limit it to just one, very well-written stanza saying that.
Secondly, the rhyme. Rhyming can be good, but most times it is just forced and awkward. Your poem does rhyming better than I have seen a lot of poems, but it is still awkward and forced, and I think you do not need it. Rhyming tends to get in the way of poets' messages because they're so focused on trying to find a rhyme that they don't say exactly what they would have said if the rhyme hadn't been controlling them. I think your poem, while it sounds nice with the rhyme, would be more powerful if you just wrote straight from your heart into stanzas. Don't worry about rhyme or rhythm, the most important thing about this poem is the message.
One tiny nit pick:
Here you suggest that they look up a verse. But the very next thing is that you're summarizing it for them. That's a bit of discrepancy in the action, or, at the very least, it's kind of insulting to your reader. Although perhaps they were expecting it. (I know I was.)
I say skip the part where you suggest it to them and just tell them what it says. c:
I hope this helps! Keep writing! Let me know if you have any questions whatsoever. I would be happy to help.
~fortis
Hey, yo, Bball41! Strange here on this fantastic review day and I have a review for you!
I honestly don't have as much to say as I would other poetry. This is such a hard topic to tackle, considering if you say something wrong it's completely offensive. I will be doing a bit of that in this review, but nonetheless, I am very familiar with your poetry. I think that's why I wasn't the biggest fan of this poem.
This should be a different poem, right? Different style of poem, but it just feels like your average Bball41 poem, just with "religion" tagged onto it. That was hard to get into, because it's all the same. This focused on the same old things and brought really nothing new to the table. That breaks my heart a little, but hey, every writer has their off day.
Like I said before, this covered the same one sided religion topic I see everywhere, but this differs. This wasn't really insulting to the other side, this had no attacks. This was just a chill religion poem, and I dig that. That's pretty smart and wise on your part.
Technical:
It should be 'nor', not 'not'. There are a few slip-ups like that in this poem, but I don't want to waste your time and pick them out. I would suggest reading your poem over again few times outloud and see what doesn't fit.
You also said some very risky things by saying "God loves everyone", because the majority of Christians would point out that homosexuals aren't loved. That's a good and bad thing, it's good because you play nice, it's bad because it can make your side mad. Look at that, and look at the average standard. See how much that differs. Other than that, the flow was good, pattern was good, theme was good. Just a few problems.
Good job, keep writing, and stay groovy!
But, God is also all just, as well as all merciful. And if you continue to live in sin, then you will still burn. I thought maybe you could put something in about that, as a warning of sorts?
This is an amazing poem, though I agree that it should be under religion and not spiritual, it makes no difference in the heart of a reader simply looking to be enlightened by either categories. If I may take a step out of my unbiased/neutral reviewer mindset I am a Christian (though it doesn't matter) and I could not agree more with this poem in explaining God's love, and using the verse from Ephesians makes it all the more lovable and amazing to me. Ok, so, back to everyone's favorite part, nit-picking and looking at the poem itself. A good friend of mine told me poems can't rhyme unless they share the same number of syllables, I took the advice to heart and my poems come out sounding so much more better and I believe that even the toughest critic would enjoy this poem more if the syllables did match at least for the rhyme scheme, think of it as taking a good poem and turning it into a great poem! Other than this there were some moments were I had to break the feel because of some minor typos, ie: "Not will I ever be" in the second line where "Nor" would be a better fit and "No! He can for the dead in sin," doesn't quite make sense and switching "Came" with "Can" would definitely smooth out this line. So, this is my review, some minor changes being done to the syllables and fixing some typos would turn this otherwise nice poem into something worth others to share with their church/youth groups. I really did enjoy this and I hope to see much more of your work in the future!
i'm pretty sure, that spiritual and writing about your Religion is different,
Phee! Hi. ^^ Spirituality doesn't always have to do with religion, this is true. The dicionary says, Spiritual: "of, relating to, or affecting the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things". But it also says "of or relating to religion or religious belief", which would be this poem's case, for the author is talking about a religious belief. ^^
GeeLyria, you have such a gift for explaining things.