Leaving Home

Hey! So this poem obviously has a lot of emotion which is good for poetry. I have small critiques...I feel like your rhythm wasn't there and there really wasn't a steady flow. It could have been longer and more descriptive of perhaps him remembering the past memories or something like that. As previously mentioned the flow seemed very boxy and doesn't flow very well. It had a nice ending and my favorite lines were the last two. This is a good topic and a topic that many can relate to and one that brings in a lot of emotions such as sadness and hopefulness. You can describe those emotions because, while I'm only starting high school, I understand there are many there not just sadness. While sadness might be a main emotion, it is by far the only one. So just maybe describe more emotions. I think this was a good topic and I hope to see more from you. Keep writing <3

Sarah24

this is a poem arising out of thie ills of the western culture. in our country this strategy is not practiced and after reading ur poem i really feel myshelf blessed that this things are improbable to go on in our nastions.as A YOUNGER BROTHER I Am saying u not to worry u will soon adjust with the lonely practical world. i like the poem. the sensational approach was what i liked most.

Hello Bball41! Celtic Thunder1438 here to review some of your work!

First off - This poem was really well written, and even though I am not 18 or leaving home, it hit me and made me feel as if I were. Great job with that!
You have a couple grammatical issues, but nothing to big. Sometimes you didn't put a comma where it would have been good ect. You did a good job though!

My favorite line of yours -

'No one told me that

Leaving would be so hard.

But just like the 18 years,

I was already gone.'

Love it! Keep writing, your really good!!

~Selina

Dear Bball41,

I can't pretend that I'm any good at reviews.....but I will try my best!

This poem hit me personally, especially as someone who is going to actually be eighteen pretty soon. (Though I've already been technically living at other relatives for the last two years, and now I'm back home! =p ) But I know what it's like to have to learn what "separation" means. It gets easier and harder each time it happens; for different reasons. And as a person who loves home and family, it's hard to be away!

Maybe for slowly hopped, you could write, "sadly hopped" or "reluctantly hopped in the car." It would give the reader more of an imaginative idea of how the person leaving was feeling.

All in all it was a great poem! Thanks so much for posting it. You've got potential!

~Rose

Ps. "But just because there was no warning,

Did not stop it from happening."

This was my favorite line of the poem!

I liked it!

First, let me get to my nitpick things, and then I will commence with the compliments.

First of all, if I were you (which I'm not, so feel free to ignore me), I would capitalize Momma and Daddy. It looks kinda..juvenile otherwise.
I would also maybe change up the Momma and Daddy (it becomes a little repetitive to me)
Secondly, and this is again my hangup (though Stephen King warned me of it in his book which everyone should read called On Writing) is using adverbs in dialogue attribution. For example:
"We love you, son." They said intently.
Intently kinda feels stuck on the end of it. I think you can get away with adverbs more in poetry, but I still like to try to avoid them.
I also don't really know what "slowly hopped in" would look like.
I would chance 18 to eighteen (again just my own thing, I hate seeing numbers in poems like that. But its just a personal thing)

But...other than that, it was simple, and really good! I like poems that deal with one idea very clearly. Good job, and please please keep writing!

Wow. This was a simply worded yet still very poignant and powerful poem. Even though it's still several years off, I'm already dreading the day that I have to leave home. And as you expressed in your poem, time flies by. My favorite part of your poem was the last two lines that read, "But just like the 18 years, I was already gone." These lines struck me as very emotional and they were a good way to wrap up your poem. My only real criticism for you on this piece is concerning the line that says, "We love you, son." They said intently." I'm not sure that intently would be the right word to use in this place. The dictionary definition of 'intently' is "with earnest and eager attention." It sounded like an odd word to use in this instance, but that might just be me. Overall, great job on this, and keep writing! I can't wait to read even more from you.