Why does the earth spin around?
Why do lost things never get found?
Why is the sky the color blue?
Why does my heart want you?
My heart wants you
Because of what you do.
Because you make me laugh.
And you are my other half.
How does the wind blow?
How far can one man go?
How do you get to mars?
How come you shine brighter than the stars
You outshine the stars
Simply because of who you are.
You are my solid rock to lean on.
The beautiful face my eyes look upon.
Do animals communicate with each other?
Do sisters truly love their brothers?
Do people always disagree?
Do you honestly love me
I know you love me
Because you make me free.
You always are compassionate,
And your love remains passionate.
When will there be world peace?
When will loved ones cease?
When do animals often dart?
When will you take my heart?
You have taken my heart.
And we will never grow apart.
You and I were meant to be.
Just simply you and me.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
Hello there, cleverclogs here to review!
I just spent a good twenty minutes writing a review for this work, and then my computer ate it, so I apologize if I come across as a little short in this new review.
Let's jump right in and talk about punctuation. My first suggestion: Ignore the previous reviewer's suggestion. It's a common misconception that commas need to be at the ends of lines, but that's total crap. It looks very sloppy and adds unnecessary pauses in places that don't need pauses. Rules about punctuation in poetry are fluid, especially in free verse, but since this poem has a structure and follows a rhyme scheme, I'll give you my advice:Punctuate the poem the way you would if it was prose. For instance, the stanza
has lots of unnecessary periods that break up the flow. Punctuated correctly, it would look like this:
Please note that punctuation in poetry is subject to the poet's stylistic choices, but I've found that punctuating the poem as if it were prose is a good rule to follow for structured poems, including this one.
As for the rhyme scheme, I liked the simplicity and elegance of rhymes in the first few stanzas, but as the poem progressed, the rhymes became more and more forced. I'm sure you can find a way to iron this out. Poetry should never feel forced the reader.
The use of questions throughout the poem was great and very interesting to read, but I found myself disappointed when you answered the questions right away. I feel like they should be left rhetorical. Instead of easily answering the questions, the narrator could struggle to find answers, but not be able to find one. It would definitely add the the lyrical quality of the poem.
Let's move on to formatting. You've separated the stanzas with the little dots, good, but you can clean it up even more by getting rid of the double spaces. To do this, press the "shift" key along with the "enter" key when you're in the YWS publisher. That's just a way to make the poem look a little prettier.
Well, I don't think I've missed anything from my first review (although I may have stated my opinions more bluntly out of frustration). I'll say that overall, the emotional aspect of this poem is there, but some of the other, more technical aspects aren't. It has a lot of potential, and I'm sure that with some editing, it can become great.
Just Sinful dropping a review.
This poem was excellently written, and I adored the simple rhymes and the answering of the questions; I have to say that was genius. This poem answered a few questions of mine, that no one else could ever answer. So again, you did a wonderful job writing this piece. Though their is a few minor changes you should make...
1) You either have a period or question mark at the end of each phrase. Add commas to make it flowing, because halting at the end of each phrase just make it choppy.
2) I see you used dots to separate your sections, but don't you think a simple space would do the trick? I think so, it makes it look more clean and professional.
Those are just the two most common ones, anyway happy writing my friend. Hope to see more of your beautiful works in the future.