A/N: This poem is a bit more serious than usual. But the meaning behind it, I believe, is a story that needs to be told.
A Mommy.
A Daddy.
A little boy.
A family
.
He was raised
By them alone.
He never questioned
Why they taught him
Like they did.
.
But by the time school starts
He notices that he's different
.
Everyone is wearing
something nice.
Everyone looks like
a radiant blast of sunshine.
.
He is wearing
raggedy old clothes
from the day before.
His face is blank
and lifeless compared
to the others.
.
He will later learn that
his life was never supposed to exist.
That his daddy is an alcoholic.
That his mommy works full time.
.
One day he will realize
that punishment and discipline
are different than abuse and torture.
.
One day he will realize
the pain he goes through
is not supposed happen,
and will put an end to it.
.
His goal will no longer be
to make Daddy proud,
but to prove daddy wrong.
.
One day he will realize
that black and blue are colors
not made for human flesh.
.
But until that day,
he would remain different,
wondering if he would
ever be like them.
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140,106 Literary Works • 673,010 Reviews
This poem is heart breaking but important. It could reach out to a lot of people. I especially love the verse "One day he will realize that black and blue are colours not made for human flesh", it really touches a part of you. And the innocence in the writing makes it deep and makes the reader feel something powerful.
As for the structure: I think it flows nicely and well written.
Heya, Bball! Happy Review Day!
You've got a lovely poem here, and like you said, the meaning is very important and should be spread around. So many don't realise that they are being treated badly because it's how they've always been treated. They won't call for help, and the problem will continue.
One day he will realize
that black and blue are colors
not made for human flesh.
These lines are especially meaningful and could be a stand alone poem.
The words used are very simple but get the message right across to the reader. It also helps the poem to come from the young boy's point of view. Great job!
Hey Bball41, CaptainSalty here with a review!
This is a very deep poem, yet I do like it. This did in fact need to be told.
I really like the good outcome in the beginning. It started off very smooth in the first stanza. And then the poem started to rise and it started to sound more interesting. In the middle, the climax. Definitely the saddest part of the poem. And at the end, it came back to a good outcome. It was very interesting with it being short and simplistic. Though, it got a little off beat, taking in mind that there are different numbers of lines in each stanza. I did enjoy this poem. I want to see more of your poetry. Don't give up and always write, Bball41!
-CaptainSalty
Really deep, sad poem... The style is lovely and the description is incredible I especially love "One day he will realize that black and blue are colors not made for human flesh." Just one thing to think about might be to go through and add some commas, because some parts are slightly choppy, and just a personal opinion to think about, but I think stanza nine, "To make daddy proud" might just flow better if it were "his daddy", but other than that this is a great poem and tells a very serious story. I also really love how this is so simple, but tells such a deep story. It is so much more than words and letters.