z

Young Writers Society



Bruises

by Bball41


A/N: This poem is a bit more serious than usual. But the meaning behind it, I believe, is a story that needs to be told. 


A Mommy.

A Daddy.

A little boy.

A family

.

He was raised 

By them alone.

He never questioned

Why they taught him 

Like they did.

.

But by the time school starts 

He notices that he's different 

.

Everyone is wearing 

something nice.

Everyone looks like 

a radiant blast of sunshine.

.

He is wearing 

raggedy old clothes 

from the day before.

His face is blank

and lifeless compared

to the others. 

.

He will later learn that

his life was never supposed to exist.

That his daddy is an alcoholic.

That his mommy works full time.

.

One day he will realize 

that punishment and discipline 

are different than abuse and torture.

.

One day he will realize 

the pain he goes through 

is not supposed happen,

and will put an end to it.

.

His goal will no longer be 

to make Daddy proud,

but to prove daddy wrong.

.

One day he will realize

that black and blue are colors 

not made for human flesh. 

.

But until that day,

he would remain different,

wondering if he would 

ever be like them.


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User avatar
18 Reviews


Points: 305
Reviews: 18

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Wed Jul 01, 2015 6:54 pm
plathonstone wrote a review...



This poem is heart breaking but important. It could reach out to a lot of people. I especially love the verse "One day he will realize that black and blue are colours not made for human flesh", it really touches a part of you. And the innocence in the writing makes it deep and makes the reader feel something powerful.

As for the structure: I think it flows nicely and well written.




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802 Reviews


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Reviews: 802

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Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:33 pm
Dracula wrote a review...



Heya, Bball! Happy Review Day!

You've got a lovely poem here, and like you said, the meaning is very important and should be spread around. So many don't realise that they are being treated badly because it's how they've always been treated. They won't call for help, and the problem will continue.

One day he will realize
that black and blue are colors
not made for human flesh.

These lines are especially meaningful and could be a stand alone poem.

The words used are very simple but get the message right across to the reader. It also helps the poem to come from the young boy's point of view. Great job! :)




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232 Reviews


Points: 874
Reviews: 232

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Mon Jun 01, 2015 5:21 am
rainforest wrote a review...



Hey Bball41, CaptainSalty here with a review!

This is a very deep poem, yet I do like it. This did in fact need to be told.

I really like the good outcome in the beginning. It started off very smooth in the first stanza. And then the poem started to rise and it started to sound more interesting. In the middle, the climax. Definitely the saddest part of the poem. And at the end, it came back to a good outcome. It was very interesting with it being short and simplistic. Though, it got a little off beat, taking in mind that there are different numbers of lines in each stanza. I did enjoy this poem. I want to see more of your poetry. Don't give up and always write, Bball41!

-CaptainSalty




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Points: 522
Reviews: 4

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Mon Jun 01, 2015 4:28 am
WishUponAStar wrote a review...



Really deep, sad poem... The style is lovely and the description is incredible I especially love "One day he will realize that black and blue are colors not made for human flesh." Just one thing to think about might be to go through and add some commas, because some parts are slightly choppy, and just a personal opinion to think about, but I think stanza nine, "To make daddy proud" might just flow better if it were "his daddy", but other than that this is a great poem and tells a very serious story. I also really love how this is so simple, but tells such a deep story. It is so much more than words and letters.





It's easier to come up with new stories than it is to finish the ones you already have. I think every author would feel that way.
— Stephanie Meyer