Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,535 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
In this case (and often many others) I have to agree with Rosey.
Firstly, before you post a poem on YWS (this also goes for any other work) please make sure that you've at least run a simple spell check through it. Microsoft word will point out most of your errors. That way, when you come to post it on here it will be much simpler to read. If you can't use a spell check ask a friend or family member to look it over quickly.
What you have here is not so much as a poem as a form of preaching. I for one am not a found of being told what to do directly and this is no different when I am reading a poem.
As has been said already, try to find another way of saying what you want to rather than just putting it bluntly. Extended metaphors can be a great way of doing this and they aren't too difficult to get the hang of either. If not, perhaps use a story in your poem to get your message across to the reader. These are only two of many methods and you can feel free to experiment and find which ones work for you.
For now, head back to the brainstorming and see what you can come up with.
Good luck, and I hope to read a revised version of this in the future.
Hello.
I'll be a blunt contrast to the first review you received: I found this bland and boring, in both content and technical aspects.
Firstly, please clean up your spelling and grammar. Lines like this:
Undermine the poem in a big way. The first has a spelling mistake, the second is so poorly worded I don't know if it's a grammar error or a double word, and the use of "you're" is "you are", which makes the sentence read as "to realize you are reason(s) to keep living." While the dual meaning is an interesting twist, the "(s)" makes me think you meant "your", which would mean the reasons each person has to keep living.
Past the blatant errors (which could've been caught either by spellcheck or reading aloud), you have taken the message of "keep living" and saying it in the simplest form possible. By taking the message and putting it first, instead of writing this with the idea of making good poetry, you've ended up with a forgettable poem with a dime a dozen wording.
Rewrite this. Hide the message in something beautiful, and focus on making a poem instead of a sermon. Or even just cleaning up the grammar mistakes and making sure you have good flow in lines (no words that repeat too close to each other, lines that are generally pleasing to read, only going for really long lines unless you have a purpose to them, ect) would help this tremendously. Right now, it is completely and utterly ignorable.
The main thing I always ask in poetry is: does this sound nice if nobody understands the meaning? If yes, then the poem has some substance to it. If no, I go back to the drawing board.
Hope this helps, and happy editing.
~Rosey
I thank you for spotting that error but I happen to like my poem the way it is. And to me it's not boring because I know the way I wrote it is the way I ment for it to be, it was never intended to be a poem with hidden mening.
Poetry is one of the most varied styles of writing, so there is even less of a "right way" than prose.
What my review was saying boils down to this: I found it held exactly the same message as countless other posts, poems, stories, and speeches that you see everywhere. It would be nice if we got something just a little different in this poem, so it didn't blend in with the general "you should keep going" message, and stand out as its own as "this is IwillNOTbow's little piece of that message".
But, as with everything in reviews, that was just a suggestion. You can take the core of the review (Make it unique to yourself), or you can ignore the whole thing. I just suggested the hidden meaning because that's my poetry preference.
~Rosey
I really love this poem, and thought that it has a great message behind it! It seems like you were very thoughtful while writing this, and I could tell that it has a special meaning to you. The few corrections I have are just grammar and spelling. Also on line two, the wording confused me a little bit, maybe a reality instead of the reality. Also, line three, maybe is spelled wrong, everything is one word, and I'm not sure what "elits" is. on line four, I didn't think it was a question, but maybe it was just an interpretation issue. On a few lines, 5, 7, 9, and 10, the first letter needs to be capitalized, or you could just not capitalize some of the other words, it is a preference, but you should be consistent. I know this is a long comment, I only have two more things to say though, so please bear with me, line 6, I think you meant ever not every. Lastly, on the last line, I think you need a comma between is and there. I hope it doesn't seem like I was being to harsh, this is an AMAZING poem, I just think you need to work on the spelling and grammar end of it. Great job, and keep on writing!!
thank, i know i need help with spelling. i was an ignorant child when people tried to teach me how to spell so that's probably why i can't spell now. haha.
Yah, I really hate spelling also, whenever I write something, so many of the words are spelled wrong. Haha, your poem really is amazing though!
thank you