Young Writers Society

Hello!

RandomTalks here to leave a quick review!

This is such a beautiful song. The imageries you have used, those small symbols of childhood and innocence brings out this nostalgia in the listener and they are easily transported back to their own lost days. This song is so relatable, almost everyone can connect to it. It has so much meaning, so much love and adoration and gratitude that you can feel every implied feeling through each line.

i know you’re scared to death of heights

but i think if we jumped we could fly

with wanderlust and pixie dust

we’d travel across the sky

Hey wayward,
I don't have any feedback, really, but just wanted to comment how lovely this song is. It is so beautiful. I love the sad (but also hopeful), magical, partnership, out-of-reach vibes of this poem. That chorus is really touching. Everything really paints a picture and you can see how deep this relationship is, especially as the lyrics progress until the end. I love the intro, catching fireflies instead of stars. It's very symbolic of dealing with the realistic over magical (at least, my interpretation!).
Love it:)

Hello @waywardxwallflower! Here for a review:

Even on my first glance of the poem/song, I found it wonderful and beautiful. Then I read it again and found it even more beautiful. I see a beautiful and clever use of imagery all along the poem, that makes it even more wonderful. Although I don't really know your friend or the tune you are using along the lyrics, I am confident that your friend would like it. :p

~~~

stars were never close enough to hold
and nothing seemed quite right inside our heads
so we learned to love the broken parts
and caught fireflies instead

~~~

A perfect definition of childhood and an ever better way to start the poem. This stanza eloquently describes the most innocent thoughts and feelings of children, and the realization that nothing can be perfect.

~~~

in those days we cried
‘cause we couldn’t be the kids in cartoons
but the magic they held and the beauty spelled
we found beneath the moon

~~~

Aye, another realization, we can't "be the kids in cartoons." But, again, we have even better things to search and enjoy. Just like you said, "the beauty... found beneath the moon."

~~~

cryptic conversations in the dead of night
and whispers of everything true
i’ll hold onto these even in the sun’s light
my cosmic comfort found in you

~~~

I really like this alliteration. "Cryptic conversations", "cosmic comfort" - as if these words were made exactly to fit in with each other. A good chorus. :p

~~~

i know you’re scared to death of heights
but i think if we jumped we could fly
with wanderlust and pixie dust
we’d travel across the sky

~~~

Imagery, perfect use of imagery. I would have suggested changing "scared to death of heights" to "frightened of heights" but I don't know the tune of the music, so I don't know. If you think it won't be much of a problem to the tune, then you can do it. :p

~~~

and maybe the world is on fire
or maybe we’re all gonna drown
but if i can hold onto you while everything burns
then i won’t even mind going down

~~~

This one is sweet, I'm not saying the other stanzas are not, this one is specially sweet as this is basically the last stanza. Again, great use of imagery.

All in all, I loved this poem, and I am very sure your friend will love it too. A great birthday present. I would have given more suggestions if I knew the tune, but I didn't as I don't. I really hope Jack likes this. :p