You want things to mean more than they do.
You hold this bird to your chest and
dream it will bloom into a dragon.
You watch the sunset and wish
it would set in your cup so you could
drink it, become it.
You look at the stars and see stories
in the darkness between them, and
you look at me in this meaningful night
and see someone worth loving.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,742 Reviews
I really enjoyed the progression of this poem - it went from a simple mythological example and then slowly became more personal until the ending was on the speaker themselves. Very neat.
I interpreted this poem as expressing a sweet moment between two people in love where the speaker has a lot of self-doubt and sees their love/ friend as always seeing "more" in things than is really there like a dragon in a bird and so-on. Then in the end they say that this even applies to their own relationship. The poem had both a soft musing feel and also a sad one at the end too.
I really enjoyed your expression of a bird 'bloom into a dragon' I wish you had put a little more description in your imagery of stars / cups etc. to give the reader a bit more to chew in, but I think it was wise just to choose the examples you did because then the poem doesn't go too far off course of the mean theme.
The capitalization and punctuation choices seemed consistent throughout. I would have enjoyed maybe hearing a bit of what the speaker thought of the bird - > do they see a flightless pigeon while their love sees a dragon? Are they grateful for the optimism or does it feel like a burden? I think there's definitely room for expansion in this poem.
Overall, this was a nice piece to read and I think will be able to communicate emotion to a lot of readers.
best,
alliyah
Ah, thanks so much for the review!! I will definitely experiment with expanding this poem
Hi! My name's Via and I'm here for a review!
So... let's get started!
Mood, Tone, Theme, Perspective, and Narrative
The theme of this poem is clearly defined: meaning and wishes and more.
Everything in this poem is so simple, yet so intricate. I loved how much emphasis is placed on the theme and the emotions surrounding eat.
That first line:
Such an amazing hook and establishes the mood immediately!
Structure, Flow, and Rhythm
This poem is very simple and deserved a simple structure, which you have.
I love that you added punctuation to enhance flow and didn't capitalize every line.
The enjambment can be adjusted here and there to make the flow better.
So instead of this...
Try this!
"You want things to mean,
a lot more than they do.
You hold this bird to your chest
and dream it bloom into a dragon.
You watch the sunset
and wish it would set
in your cup
so you cold drink it,
become it.
You look at the stars
and see stories
in the darkness between them.
You look at me in this meaningful night,
and see someone worth loving.
I honestly think the whole poem can be broken into stanzas, but it's all up to you! Experiment!
Language, Diction, and Style
I love the simple wording and imagery you chose. However, I might just be picky, but the word "meaningful" in the line
Can be changed to a synonym of meaningful, since the first line uses "mean" in the same context.
Like: sincere, purposeful, etc. Experiment with what sounds and feels the best!
Grammar
There really isn't anything to say here!
Final Words
Overall, loved this poem! It was beautifully written, simplistic, and a create ending to my day (I'm going to bed now)
Keep writing!
~ Via
Thank you so much for your review!! it's very helpful
Hello wayardxwallflower, I hope this finds you well.
"You want things to mean more than they do."
From a practical standpoint, this is a great hook that stays through a reader's mind as they continue through this piece. From a philosophical point, this echoes through my mind profoundly. In a wishing well, you can find a myriad of wishes between wanting hair of gold or a final goodbye to a person lost too soon. You want these wishes to mean more than what they are, that hair of gold is seen as vain, and goodbyes, when gone, is seen as too late. But alas not everything has to be seen through such negativity, and that is where your dreams and imagination can come out to play.
Where you can watch birds bloom into dragons, and a drink derived from a sunset you will never be disappointed with the lengths you could go to satisfy that need to make things more than they are.
If anything, I would almost ask at some point to make a sort of sequel to this, a part 2 if you will. To grow off the part of "you look at me in this meaningful night/ and see someone worth loving". It would be interesting to see where you would lead off of how this person shows their love.
Keep creating masterful art, and always dance in the rain when things get hard.
Ah thank you so much for your review! It was sort of a poem of its own
We all see so much more in the littlest of things.That’s what happens when you’ve got a kind heart and a vivid imagination.I loved the descriptions in the poem,it really emphasized how the person saw things.Bird as a dragon,stories in the stars.All the results of someone who sees more.I hope you have a lovely and amazing day and night.
AAH this review is so sweet ;^; thank you so much !!
have a lovely day/night as well
I LOVED THIS.
Although I'm not the best person when it comes to English Literature, I loved the wordings you have used here. The concept of idealism and fear of worthlessness is shown within each line, specifically in these lines:
I liked the analogies that were used here! The narrator is talking to the "you" about how we would think, something normal such as a bird would become a fantastical creature such as a dragon. Or how one wished becoming the sunset and becoming one together.
I like the overall theme of one not wanting to be futile, an attempt to think and see the world differently. I generally liked this poetry.
Thank you so much for your review