Liquid Sunshine, sings Liquid Rain
He calls for her in verses of raindrops
and showers of rhythm and rhyme, but
she shines no light on his torrent of song
Misty eyes and dewdrop cheeks yearns for
a glance from smiling lips and open arms,
but she is gone when he goes to search.
A sprinkle of heartbreak and a
light precipitation of sorrow tell him
to cast off the paradox and try again
next sunrise.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,742 Reviews
Hello! This is such a cool poem, and I love how you personified sunshine and rain!
"A sprinkle of heartbreak and a / light precipitation of sorrow" is my favorite line because the imagery is so gentle. I also love how the rain can never find sunshine whenever he looks for her. I only have a tiny critique, and that's where you end your lines. For instance, I would add "for" from the fifth line into the beginning of the sixth, and then I would move "and a" to the beginning of line nine. It makes more sense to me to not end a line on a preposition and instead end it on a noun so that each line can stand on its own.
Overall, I really loved this poem! All the words you used fit perfectly(especially "torrent") and the story read like a fairy tale
ah thanks so much!! and i%u2019ll definitely take that into note!!
Hi! This is nightshadows bring a new comment live to a theater near you! Ok, so enough of my weirdness here are my thoughts:
Ok I love this poem!! Its so cute and its like I can almost see the story playing out in my head!! Great job, that's something very hard, to try and illustrate the scene or the story ti the reader in perfect detail. The only thing I would criticize is that for someone lacking a bit in imagination it would be hard to understand the tale you are telling. But besides that you did such a great job!!! <3
thanks so much!!