Night Driving

hiya :3 here to drop a review:

first off, i love the images you used here like "fidgeting", "falling", "street lamp" and "headlights", i think they were really great at illustrating the larger emotions.

At night there is no difference between ten miles below

or twenty miles above the speed limit -

either way, I am falling.

the lines between every existing thing blurred.

either way, I am falling.

other wandering souls,

headlights white like blind eyes

or yellow like a smothered sun.

The night does have a hypnotic feel to it and you captured that well in the poem.I feel like if this had visuals,I would imagine it to be a fever dream.Almost like a bad quality photo and that’s good.Night holds deep mysteries us humans can’t ever understand.I enjoyed this and I hope you have an amazing and wonderful day and night.

Hi there wayward! I really enjoyed your poem the first time I read it, so I thought I'd drop by with a li'l review for you!

I'm not sure why, but there's something randomly poetic to me about writing poems in your notes app. It seems very personal and spur-of-the-moment, I guess, which is something I like a lot in poetry, and I think your poem reflects both of those things really well. The way you captured the nighttime driving vibes so absolutely perfectly gives me a feeling there's a good chance you wrote this while driving in a car at night? But regardless, you put it into words really poignantly, and it evokes a very specific combo of sleepy + curious + adventurous in me that I don't think any other poem ever has.

In terms of critiques, I just have one main one, which is that the poem seems a bit aimless to me, for lack of a better way to put it. Like don't get me wrong, it definitely has a spectacular vibe, but a vibe isn't exactly a /purpose/, per se, and I don't really know what my takeaway from the poem is supposed to be. I start out the poem with the expectation that you'll be telling me why the night is so reverent, but that doesn't totally happen - and then you end with a very intense image of a "smothered sun", which feels like it should be wrapping things up, but doesn't really tie back to the idea of a world ceasing to fidget.

I would suggest deciding on what you want the message to be, or what you want to get the reader to take away from it, and then rework it a bit to reflect that more clearly. It doesn't have to be some big moral statement, by any means; it can still be small, and personal, and vibey. For example maybe it's that the night is a chance for the narrator to take a deep breath, or an escape from reality, or a reminder of little things you miss in the daytime, or a chance to stop being careful and feel adventurous. Those are just examples off the top of my head, you could definitely come up with something better and more personal!

But apart from that, there's really nothing I would change! I think the simple format, the single stanza, matches what the poem is about. It's simple, short and sweet, and really beautiful. The simple capitalization and punctuation also allow the reader to focus on the beautiful imagery and not be distracted by more "out-there" stylistic choices.

I usually point out one of my favourite lines in a review, but I don't know how to do that here because literally all of the lines are my favourite. "the lines between every existing thing blurred", "either way, I am falling", "cars fling themselves towards you" !!! fabulous. I think what makes it all work so well is how you use small bits of personification like of the stars and the cars and the night, that make all the images really come alive.

Overall, this is a really beautiful poem. I hope this short review proves helpful for you, and let me know if there's anything you'd like me to elaborate on or that you have questions about!

Keep up the great writing,
Seirre

Hi wayward,

First off wayward my impressions with your poem is that my fav piece to your poem is the lines between every existing thing blurred.

At night there is no difference between ten miles below

or twenty miles above the speed limit -

either way, I am falling.

In the night, every light is that much more powerful -

a glimpse of a street lamp,

a notification on your phone,

the stars themselves looking down at you, becoming you.

Cars fling themselves towards you, wayward this was my fav piece that i kept on reading.

My Compliment wayward is that this poem was a cool vibe poem i ever read wayward hopefully we see more work coming from you wayward and don't forget i always will be reading this short poem wayward.

have fun writing wayward!

Hey, there! Thanks for sharing this poem. It was interesting to read. I like how you take the general mood of nighttime and describe it. It definitely gives the impression of being a city person's description, with the use of words like "speed limit," "street lamps," and "cars/headlights." All of these together show that the narrator is used to experiencing the evening hours in a city setting.

One thing that seemed a little inconsistent to me is this: The second line states, "The world ceases its fidgeting." Yet the rest of the poem seems to convey a picture of activity. Maybe it's just a personal nitpick, but it almost seemed to me that the first couple of lines were a bit misleading considering the higher pace that the rest of the piece takes. Anyway, take or leave that observation. It's still a nice poem either way.

Once again, thanks for sharing!