Young Writers Society

I just wanted to tell you this looks like a poem now! Well done :p xD

Hi there!

First of all, this poem is great, so hush ;P

I totally started writing this review like, two days ago. I don't know why it took me so long to finish ><

It’s better to feel weakness than to feel nothing at all
It’s better to have failed then to have not tried
It’s better to have fallen than to not have jumped
It’s better to say goodbye then to have never said hello

It’s better to have fallen than to not have jumped

And never letting go

It’s better to feel weakness than to feel nothing at all
It’s better to have failed then to have not tried
It’s better to have fallen than to not have jumped
It’s better to say goodbye then to have never said hello
I look at you and wonder what would happen if our eyes had never met
If our hearts had never soared
If our hands had never shaken
I look at the hidden and see their fears

I look at the hidden and see their fears

Hello!
I like this poem. It makes me happy. It rings with truth.

Okay, so I do like how you started the first couple lines with the same couple words, but I also don't like it. I usually try to avoid that kind of thing, because even though it's purposeful it still looks and sounds a little awkward.

Then the poem changes. And it changes pretty drastically. I think that's a call for a new stanza.
Then it changes again. Again, I think it should have another stanza.

I look at the hidden and see their fears

It's a nice little poem, I like it. Messages can be given in any form, whether it's story or poem. I feel that poems get it across better because you can write less, and chop out bits that aren't as meaningful. I like the piece you've done here, and, while I don't always agree with this message given my view on humanity...

Erm, before I go off topic, I should rephrase that I like your work, and I enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing.

It’s better to have fallen than to not have jumped

This review is going to give me my next star, so I love you, writer! xD

I look at you and wonder what would happen if our eyes had never met

I look at the hidden and see their fears
How opportunity was in their grasp
But their fingers were too uncertain so the chance slipped away
And they could never catch it again

Hey Writer! A review here for you :3

It’s better to feel weakness than to feel nothing at all

It’s better to have failed then to have not tried

It’s better to have fallen than to not have jumped

It’s better to say goodbye then to have never said hello

I look at you and wonder what would happen if our eyes had never met

If our hearts had never soared
If our hands had never shaken

I look at the hidden and see their fears
How opportunity was in their grasp
But their fingers were too uncertain so the chance slipped away
And they could never catch it again
I caught you

Hello there, I love it!

Specially the second part, it looks for me like two separate stories
The first part you are talking to yourself, like with your inner thoughts
(all lines starting with "It's better")

In the second part you are talking to your love one (love it!)

Then attention goes to a third party as an example of lost opportunities --maybe you can elaborate more detail there as for how you introduce them to your story--

Then the end: "I caught you and never let you go" comes somehow all of the sudden, I think that your story begs for more.

Hope this is useful,

Keep up the excellent work!

NewOldPoet

Hey! Kam here to review!

Okay, so the first thing I see in this is how many times you repeat "It's better to" And then after the first four lines it stops, looks kind of weird. Maybe every other line you could do the "It's better to" thing, but it disrupts the flow to change it so suddenly.

I also notice when I first see this poem is the line length, there's two long lines, and a lot of short ones. Try and make it more average with the length.

Other than that, this poem is well written. Sometimes cliche is okay, as long as you twist it a little! I think you can change it into two stanzas. I'll try and show you some natural breaks.

"It’s better to have fallen than to not have jumped
It’s better to say goodbye then to have never said hello
*
I look at you and wonder what would happen if our eyes had never met
If our hearts had never soared"

AND

"If our hands had never shaken
I look at the hidden and see their fears
*
How opportunity was in their grasp
But their fingers were too uncertain so the chance slipped away"

I don't know. The second one is kinda of weird with the way you wrote it. But as of structure, that's where the break would be.

I'd love to see it if you decide to edit!

- Kamryn

Don't worry about this. This was great, I mean you could at on to this, but I certainly don't think you have to, I think it is good the way it is. I don't think it sounds cliché at all. So don't worry about it, you are an ellencent writer, and I love everything that I have read from you, I haven't read all of you poems, or novels, books, etc. But of all the things I have read of yours, I loved it, just like this. Alright.. On to other things...

I didn't really see any nitpicks. I mean you have been on this site just since June, and you have picked up a lot of things... Great job!

I think that is all I have to say, and don't worry about this as much as I think you are it is fine, and I am sure others will love it to!

Love,
Dogsrule5.