Hi!
First off I want to say that I loved how well you captured these images and scenes in such a concise manner. That's something I usually have a hard time with because it's difficult for me to put aside descriptive words and adjectives. But you did a wonderful job using mostly verbs and nouns.
I wanted to point out one thing I had a slight problem with in your poem, though, which is the first line in each stanza. I feel as though the second and third stanzas are fine, but I'm not sure saying "Sun beats down" for the opening line really works well with the poem. I don't think it works well to say "sun beats down" because the sun is such a concrete object here that it doesn't have the same effect that "responsibility falls" and "that aestive heat has" have and it makes it feel out of place. I would suggest adding "the" in front of "sun" or making the subject in the first line something abstract like "light" or "solar energy" or something like that.
The title is amazing considering the heavy influence on temperature in this poem, but I am not sure I understood anything from this poem. At first, it seems like light is being shed on the conditions of poachers in wildlife reservations, but the last line of the second stanza threw me off from that theory. The last stanza also sounds pretty, it has a nice aesthetic, but it was also empty to me. I didn't feel anything for it. And so I don't know the point of this poem. I don't know the emotions you were trying to get across and it's actually frustrating to me because I feel like those emotions are there, but just out of my reach.
Overall, I think it's a great poem but it could use a bit more concreteness. It could benefit from something substantial the reader can hold onto.
Keep writing and good luck,
Dianne E.C.E.
Points: 5524
Reviews: 56
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