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139,276 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Hi there!
This is all getting very interesting. And we're finally back to the different types of creatures! Yay! I mean, you mentioned in the first chapter how Nik is half gorgonian and he was complaining about marrying a faerie (well, he said he wouldn't at least). But after that, there really hadn't been any mention of these different kind of creatures. I was really itching to mention something about that in my previous reviews, but I figured you'd get pretty annoyed if I mentioned it over and over again. I wonder how much of a role magick is going to play in the rest of this novel.
A quick nitpick here:
Pirate Queen should be capitalized since it's being used as a title here.
Now, with this troll (I think he's a troll at least...I don't think you ever mention it?), I get the impression that he knows Ari already and has dealt with her before. But that's not really possible, seeing as he has that whole "Guess my name or you die" thing that trolls do. If she had done business with him before, she would know his name and therefore already have the information she wants. She doesn't know his name however, so that makes me think they haven't met and done business before. Basically what I'm trying to say here is that it's not very clear whether they've met before or if this troll is completely new to Ari.
I would like to see a bit more description here as to what this troll looks like as well. I get that he has this air of mystery about him because we don't get much information about him. But all the same, it would be nice to see exactly what he looks like. A good time to do that would probably have to be when Ari first sees his face in the beginning. Give us even just a blurb about his appearance and I'll be happy
Other than those few things, I think this chapter is perfect. We get a break from the Ari/Salain lovefest. You know I love their relationship and I totally ship them, but it's nice to have a break, get back to seeing how Ari is exactly and what she's trying to accomplish. Like I said earlier, we also get another look at these other creatures that haven't been mentioned since the beginning.
Everything is coming together well here. Obviously, it's not going to completely come together until the very end, but you're on the right track. The pieces of the puzzle are falling in place and the plot is moving along well. Good job!
Alright, off I go to the second part of this chapter!
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Not a troll, love
. Rumplestiltskin, to be exact.
Hey there, this is a really great chapter!
You really know how to capture the readers attention and keep them interested.
I am a little confused as to why you use the word "magick" do you mean magic?
I like the way you have ended this chapter, it really leaves the reader wanting more.
You go into some unquestionably great descriptions, especially this entire paragraph
"I reach my destination, and after checking to make sure that no one is looking, I walk to the back of the building and push down the broken door with my foot. Pulling a rug back, I mutter the spell that shows me the stairs and climb down, putting the enchantment and the rug back before I go on. Feeling my way in the darkness, I journey through the tunnels until I hit an apparent dead end. Feeling the wall for a lever, I push a stone back, and a grating sound emits from the hidden door. After pushing the stone back, I step into the room."
Overall you have written an outstanding chapter and I can't wait to read some more!
I use magick instead of magic for the same reason why I use faerie instead of fairy.
.
There will be a distinction