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139,276 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Sorry again about the time taken! Let's get right to it! Some general comments first though.
Reading this piece made me feel....icky. The plot jumps faster and further than kangaroos. Dislocations are no minor inconveniences and it makes no plot sense other than for the convenience of shaping the alliance for Salian to murder blood relatives of aria. So thats that. Now on to the part of the review which would ensure that you date Messenger.
Only?
Only if she still stupidly wanted to jump from the deck. She climbed up through a porthole once, why can't she get out through one. Also a captains quarters without windows. What happened to the hurricane? That blew away fast.
She should have felt pain a looooooong time ago. Also, phantom pain not present?
I just knew a romance of some sort would come. I mean who studies another so longingly and doesn't couple? Except maybe me...but I'm bad luck Brian.
Arianna has leveled up. Backstory now needs to be changed. She did seem to have some control even now and especially before.
Hidden expressions which...aren't really hidden?
I feel. Hate. Anger. Saucy? Fresh? A good state or a bad state of feelings. I bet right now the feelings for messenger is climbing. Even I feel for that guy, he's so.....friendzoned.
I suppose barrier would work better here.
Aww cuddly nicknames. What immense danger. Tell us something about her thoughts. I don't want to be left out cold.
Well I cant really fault the rest without sounding like a total jerk so I wont do it.
Keep writing! And don't leave our mess alone!
Pies, I swear I will kill you. Mess and I are friends. That's. All.
The inevitable denial.
Hi there!
Ooooh, what an interesting chapter! We learn a lot here and I also have so many more questions!
The first thing I've noticed is that the relationship between Aria and Salian has changed drastically. Up until this point, I thought that they were enemies; pure enemies. That there was absolutely nothing that they would agree on. But now we've learned that not only did they used to know each other, they used to be very, very close. And I think it's quite interesting that they're now willing to work together to defeat a common enemy.
I thought she didn't like her father? If I remember right, he used to punish her and Nick quite often. Yet she still cares for him? Interesting.
So now we've got another problem here. Now not only was Salain after Aria, but the king is after her as well. I have to say that I'm not surprised. As the pirate princess, emphasis on the word pirate, she is bound to have a lot of enemies. I wouldn't be surprised if everyone that isn't a pirate wants her. I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of trouble she gets into now.
I have to say, I'm very impressed with the way you write action. I think I might have forgotten to say this in my last review, so I'm going to say it now. You don't break flow when you're writing action. It flows very well and I get a good image of the action as the chase/fight goes on. You do the same here, although it's more Aria and Salain talking. But just like when you write your action, there is no break in the flow and it's all written very well. Good job with that.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Aww, thanks! About the part with her father, I was trying to get Ari to say that she didn't like him and he wasn't exactly the best leverage.
Hey Aurora! It's Mr. Powers here, with another fun and exciting review!
Now, I'll be the first to admit that I haven't read any other installment of The Pirate Queen. But I saw this little guy in the Green Room, and I was like "let me feed you."
The first paragraph is a tad unrealistic. I'm sure that if the speaker had a dislocated shoulder, she wouldn't need to touch it to feel pain. She'd be feeling it long before that. At least you made it seem like the protagonist was in pain while relocating her shoulder.
"Good, then when I kill your father, you'll know where to find his corpse." this statement absolutely made my day. It's dark and troubling, yet completely ideal for the situation.
So wait... Aria and Salian go from becoming buddies to bitter enemies, and then back to buddies? I suppose that's what I get for not reading earlier editions. It's just confusing to me. I mean, they seemed so ready to kill each other at the beginning. Then as soon as the words "revolution" and "king" pass their lips, they become friends again? I'd like some sense of mistrust to still remain.
And finally, what action story would be complete without a love triangle?
Great work, Aurora. I plan on hearing more from you soon!