She’s a tiger lady in a circus arena.
No one’s seen anything like it, but
She reminds everyone of someone they knew, at one point.
The stripes on her arms and legs, thicker on the wrists
Longer on her thighs, a creamy red color against
Pale white skin
They stand out strong, and she lets them see.
She can be what she wants to be, but
The stripes are hers forever, because she put them there.
*
He’s the fat man in a circus arena.
Everyone knows someone like him, but he tries to be different.
Just a spectacle, he pretends to take pride
In the folds of skin and layers underneath that he places
To cover up the heart beneath
Because if someone finds it, they could take it,
Or smash it.
So he lets the crowd look, but don’t touch,
For he still has chinks in this armor he crafted.
*
She’s a “siren” in the circus arena.
Come one, come all, to see this marvelous woman
Who can pull any man in through her song.
She thirsty for love, and she draws them near,
Let the world see, she doesn’t care.
By getting the man, she’s whole, she fits.
Until she drains him, casts him away,
Wondering where to go for fulfillment next.
Her act is just that, and her life is a whole-hearted sham.
*
He’s balancing on the high wire in the circus arena.
High up above, no one can see his face,
And he tilts wildly for effect, but sometimes it’s real.
He knows the crowd is waiting for him to fail, fall,
Because after all, the best stories end bittersweet.
So he lets them gape, he lets them gasp
As the world spins beneath his feet.
When his head is too light from this balancing act
Of too many dreams and great expectations,
He decides to give the crowd just that.
*
A bittersweet ending.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
I didn't want to write a review because I have nothing to suggest, but I felt like a like was too little. I just want to say I loved this, especially the symbolism. I loved the fat man stanza, and the first stanza, because I immediately got that you were referring to cutting (as I just read your featured poem).
I don't really know what to say except that I loved this. This is one of my favorites/my favorite poem that you've composed, and I really do love the words you use and the people the circus artists stand for. Down to the title, I love it.
+1
Thanks again, 1!
Of course ^^
At first I guessed that, from the title, this was going to be one whole metaphor, yet now I see it is a whole lot more subtle than that.
The character development is certainly the main feature here, and it is certainly done very well, I like particularly the fat man's character.
I'm not sure why you put "fin" at the end, but it seemed ever so slightly anticlimactic after that "bittersweet" ending. The ending was very good though, and I have always disapproved of circuses.
Defiantly a very good poem,
Take That You Fiend!
Hmm. I'm wondering if you wouldn't want to focus a poem just on the tight-rope walker. That seems to be the character with the most story potential and who also manages to escape the double level stereotypes that you wander into with the other characters.
What I mean by that is usually circus freaks have a stereotype, as represented by their name and as reinforced by all the images we've ever seen of them. Your poem tries to say that these freaks are not what they seem, but doesn't take the time to go beyond just saying they're the opposite of what they seem to be. Just plain opposites is not as exciting as say, a fat man who is kind of comfortable with his fat, but there's one specific weakness -- some food or a specific person -- that makes him worry.
That's why I liked the tightrope walker so much, because he seemed like he had an individual choice and motivation that was not just the opposite of grace and skill -- it was related to personal self-worth and audience expectation as well. I'd of course like to hear more of his story -- I mean what could motivate him to want that kind of an ending? There'd have to be something more than just the shock value, I think, and I'm interested to learn more about him as a person.
These are just my thoughts and suggestions. If you value the other stanzas and would like me to come back and take a closer look at them, let me know through PM or comment and I'll oblige. If you have any questions about what I've already said, too, just ask away!
Good luck and always keep writing, okay!?
Hannah
Thanks for the awesome review, Hannah!
Thanks again!
I actually meant this poem to not be literal, but symbolic. For example, the tiger lady is a girl who cuts, the fat man is a bullied kid who pretends not to care he is overweight and shunned for it, the "siren" is a girl who finds value in being accepted by others, and the tightrope walker is a daredevil who decides his own fate. If you have any suggestions on how I can make this clearer, because it is meant to be symbolic, please let me know! I'm not sure how to go about that.
~GC
Oh, haha, yeah, I had that thought as well -- it was especially clear with the siren section that it could be extrapolated into, for example, what some people might call a slut.
I did get pretty intrigued with the tiger lady. I remember now. I thought at first her marks were stretch marks. I dunno why -- must've been on my mind a lot lately.
I would say it doesn't have to be clearer -- many people can understand what you intended. I would say, though, that it has the same problem -- it's still going to the direct opposite of those stereotypes instead of building 3-d characters.
Okay so props to you first off for writing something so intricate and leveled and circus-y. Because the circus, the freak show, is probably one of the most amazing/interesting things the world has put out in my opinion. They drive me crazy in both directions (happy and mad/sad) and your poem is the first circus poem I've seen that describes that. So yeah, if you cannot tell I love it.
Now to move on to the review part.
The flow is a little iffy to me throughout the verses and if that's intentional then great but it makes it a little harder to read because I feel at times I'm stumbling over the words in my head. I also felt a slight hint of rhyme throughout them that I both liked and disliked: I liked it because I think it ties things together better in this specific poem but disliked it because it was a tad inconsistent since any hint of rhyme is at different places in each verse or not present at all (as in the "Siren women" verse). So if you could find a way to force a flow or maybe change up a few phrases then I really think this already gorgeous poem would be better and easier for the reader.
Lastly, I have a few nitpickings. These are just little things that stood out to me and may be able to help your flow:
First stanza--I'm not sure I enjoy the repetition of "White, pale white skin" as it was one of the things that caused me as a reader to stutter internally. Maybe keep it "pale white skin" but the double white was subtracting instead of adding to the poem and vision in my opinion.
Second stanza--I was confused a tad by the phrase "underneath that he places" and am unsure as to what you meant. I thought at first that you meant underneath that he places...his heart, but you said "to cover up the heart beneath" so there's a little confusion as to what "underneath that he places" is doing there.
Third stanza--Two things that bothered me here was the "and" between "Until she drains him" and "casts him away." I think I prefer it as "Until she drains him, casts him away." Also, I felt the phrase "wondering where to go for fulfillment next" was contradictory to the idea of this character. She's a siren so she doesn't necessarily "go" anywhere but "calls" people to her and I think it's important that this verse in particular sticks with that idea. "Wondering who to lure for fulfillment next" or something along those lines will reinforce her as a siren and a sham.
Fourth stanza-This, to be honest, is my favorite out of them all. He is the character that draws me in the most for whatever reason (I think that's just me not a fault of yours) and I found myself mentally holding a breath for this tightrope walker. There was only one tiny thing that bothered me in the stanza and I think it will not only assist the flow but rid the poem of the repetition phrase "bittersweet ending" because I love it at the end but don't like that it's in the last stanza as well. Perhaps change it to "Because after all, the best stories end bittersweet." That way it ties that idea to the end and his fall without exact repetition and disruption of the flow.
As I said I loved this poem so much and the ending is perfect. Thank you for sharing and if you have any questions/comments/concerns about this review you can reply or PM me anytime!
-Bright
Thanks for the awesome review, bright! You had some really helpful points, I will surely fix those.
However, I meant this poem to be symbolic, not literal. I explained to Hannah (above) what each character represented, so since neither of you found that obvious, I would love any suggestions as to how I can explain myself more. Thanks so much again, this was a great review!
~GC