you seem to have a heart stitched to your sleeve
it’s staining your shirt
it’s starting to bleed
because no one ever hears what you say that you need
others wandered on so you followed their lead
you cry out a little but they pay you no heed
on route 61 there’s a tiny cross hanging
there used to be a girl who skipped and sang and
kissed your cheek and waved goodbye...
in a flash
smash
a crash
she’s gone
and the days keep moving on
the sun keeps rising like nothing is wrong
you keep on talking lying walking
run trip falling
sidewalk cracks and baby clothes lie
even little children die sometimes
you seem to have a heart stitched to your sleeve
it’s staining your shirt
it’s starting to bleed.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Holy Cow I love this! It sounds like a smash poem almost, but its really awesome! Congrats on feature- definitely deserved
Thank you! I would love to read this as a smash poem sometime, it definitely has that feel. Thanks again!
The only thing that really bothers me about this is the capitalization, or lack thereof. I don't know if that had been intentional or not (I'm no poetic expert), but I found it rather distracting as I was reading.
Other than that, I really liked the words you used and how smoothly the whole thing flowed. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for the review! The lack of capitalization/ punctuation was intentional. I felt that it added more to the sense of sadness. Thanks again!
Hey!
I really liked your work!
Although I personally would have done a few thing different. The very first line I would have put a comma or possibly a period to add more emphases on "it's staining your shirt" and so on. I would I have put a period after "there's a tiny cross hanging" also.
I also would have done "even little children sometimes die"
You can leave is however you would like because after all poetry is what the author makes it. You're such a skilled writer! Keep up the great work!
P.s I hope this helped
Thanks for the review! I'll look into that.