“I am so fat,” she says.
Freeze. Pause the film.
Cue flashback
Cue hidden fears
Cue nightmares come true
Cue images of a second funeral
Cue anticipated tears of loss and sorrow
Action.
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140,220 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
Hunterboo17 here!!! I am ready to give you a review!!!! I absolutely love this poem! I love it that you put alliteration in your poem.
Cue flashback
Cue hidden fears
Cue nightmares come true
Cue images of a second funeral
Cue anticipated tears of loss and sorrow
What made you write this? Was it an experience you had? I wanna know your techniques on writing poetry! I’m really jealous that you can actually write poetry!!! GRRRRR!!!!! I can’t write poem. Only stories. Anyways good luck!!! I’ll probably be writing more reviews on the rest of your stories and poems! BYEEEEEEEEE
Hey!
This is awesome.
I really enjoyed it, it's interesting and different.
One thing that I feel could be changed is the use of "cue" so often. It sounds and looks weird when it is repeated so often.
When I read it out loud I kept tripping over it and all that. I think it's because you have punctuations.
Maybe if you went.
cue flashback.
Cue hidden fears.
Cue nightmares come true.
Etc...
It would mean that you have that pause after every line instead of just running on. This way it has more of an impact, and it doesn't sound as if you are saying cue as much.
Or you could simply cut out a few cues and go
cue flashback and hidden tears
Cue nightmares come true.
Cue images of a second funeral
But it's all up to you. I feel as if the use of more punctuation would just help the flow a bit more.
It is really good and I love, love, love the idea behind it. It is an important message and
I'm glad you have talked about it.
Keep writing and good job
Nargles xx
Thanks Nargles! I will look into that.
This is a lovely piece of work. As Milanimo said, it can be interpreted many different ways. I thought of the movie theme as sort of a metaphor, and the girl just a regular girl who suffers from an eating disorder. The poem is quick and to the point, and very raw in its writing. I do have one little nitpick, though: Isn't it "cue" instead of "que" when used in the context of theatrical performance? It just looks wrong to me when spelled with a Q. Great poem, though.
Oh, thank you. I will definitely change that.
Thanks again!
Hello!
This piece is very intriguing, leaving much to the imagination. Some might think of an actress who suffers from an eating disorder, possibly hinting at a close friend or relative who passed away because of the same thing. Others might see something different.
The film might even have been considered life itself, instead of an actual film, and more like someone looking from the outiside into this girl's life.
It's a very nice piece because not much elaboration is needed, and the use of "que" keeps a steady progression of a depressing image. Not much description is needed to imagine the pictures set before the reader.
The ending line "Action." also leaves open more pondering. The reader might wonder what else the girl has to say.
Grammar is good, as well as punctuation. Perfect use of quotations! Especially since people, including me, have problems with quotes.
Great job!
Thank you!