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Party Poppers

by PumpkinCat

Party Poppers splendid

Leave a trail of confetti behind

Confetti that guides the way

In bright darkened hours

Party Poppers splendid

Vibrant colors they have

Red Green Blue and Yellow

Dancing in the wind

Party Poppers splendid

How the bang brings excitement

It’s as if the world trembles at its quake

And remains silent for a spell

Party Poppers splendid

Why must I celebrate in madness?

Why must I ignore that the world is dying?

And why must humans be so cruel?

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5 Reviews

Points: 927
Reviews: 5

Sun Nov 24, 2013 3:32 pm
subtleenigma19 wrote a review...

Hey there!

Your poem has a rather eye-catching name, and the poem itself is quite good really.

The areas that need improvement are:

The meaning of the poem. I believe the poem's about how humans celebrate and prefer to forget other people's miseries; but if so, I wish you'd introduced that into the poem a bit earlier, so that the meaning would come across a little clearer.

Also, I didn't quite catch what you tried to portray through the line, 'In bright darkened hours' and it would be a lot better if you replaced those words with something else. There are also a couple other phrases that could use some tweaking.

Lastly, you could improve on the grammar by using commas in appropriate places.

As for the good stuff, it's a nice poem with a deep thought that even I have often wondered about. I love the fact that's it's not over-done, and you've kept what's necessary for the poem to work. Overall, it's a deep, thought-provoking poem, and it's definitely a first.

Keep writing! :D

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61 Reviews

Points: 7583
Reviews: 61

Sun Nov 24, 2013 4:56 am
FireFox wrote a review...

Hi, PumpkinCat! (I have a dog named Punkin! Close enough, right?) FireFox here to review your piece on behalf of the Apple Dumpling Gang this Review Day!

Needs Improvement:
1. Grammar. Though this is a poem, I, personally, feel that it would be appropriate to use some punctuation. You have three questions at the end of the poem, in which you appropriately made use of question marks, but for the rest of the poem, it was left to suffer as if it was an entire run-on sentence! No fair! Haha.

2. I began reading this well aware that we were having a writer-reader discussion about party poppers... You know, those super fun party favor gifts that you pull the string on and they go "pop!" And the entire poem was focused on said subject... Until you threw three serious questions are us at the end. I'm not saying that it doesn't fit in the poem; I'm just saying that perhaps I didn't get some hidden meaning behind the "party popper" theme. I can sort of understand the first two questions, but the last question is a little... abrupt and accusatory.

In all, this is a cute little poem and I feel that there is a lot that you could do with it to improve it and to make this baby shine. :) I like the structure and I like that it is not the typical cheesy rhyming poem. And please enlighten us as to the hidden meaning behind this piece!


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1238 Reviews

Points: 35807
Reviews: 1238

Sun Nov 24, 2013 3:53 am
niteowl wrote a review...

Well hi there PumpkinCat! Nite here to review for the Apple Dumpling Gang this fine Review Day!

Overall, I think the main issue with this poem is that it doesn't know what it is. Most of it seems to be a cute poem about the fairly trivial party poppers. But then at the end you throw all these serious questions at us, which doesn't make much sense.

It’s as if the world trembles at its quake

And remains silent for a spell

These strike me as great ending lines. They bring a touch of melancholy without overdoing it.

Now, if you want to make this a more serious piece, I suggest weaving it more into the poem. Cut rhetorical questions, because they tend to lose the reader in poetry. Put the party poppers in unusual places, like a hospital or a war zone. Make the narrator's emotions more apparent throughout the piece.

Lastly, I'd consider using punctuation. It's not required, but it does often make poems easier to read. Plus with punctuation, you know the reader is reading it with the intonation and pauses you intended.

Overall, there are some solid images in here, but I don't know how serious you wanted this piece to be. More focus could make this great. Keep writing! :)

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26 Reviews

Points: 317
Reviews: 26

Sat Nov 23, 2013 3:19 am
PumpkinCat says...

Can someone please tell me why its not going into stanzas when I'm transferring it from a word document >.>?

KittyCatMeow says...

Have you tried spacing twice?

Also, try the preview before completely submitting. If you still can't get it, enter a sign that separates the stanzas.

niteowl says...

For formatting, best way to do it is follow the directions here: How to format your poetry on YWS

Also. Jack, why do I feel like you are responsible for spamming the site with the Bee Movie quote in the quote generator. *looks suspiciously*
— alliygator