Fly

I really love the theme of this poem, and I think you did a great job with it. The rhythm was good and the whole thing flowed really nicely. I think you need to work a little bit on your wording though as you used 'edge' twice rather rapidly in the first paragraph which made it sound a tad like there wasn't any other wording you could use.

Overall though I found this to be a very inspiring poem and made me want to have the ability to fly just that much more xD
Keep up the good work xxxx

- Orkie x<3 x

I really wish these were actual instructions on how humans could fly. I appreciate the thought though ^^
I love the theme of this. Flying is something humans have been and shall always be mesmerized by. I really like your imagery. Your sensory details are especially strong in this.
I can almost imagine myself trying to fly as I read this I adore this poem!
And I like how you end it with one simple word in italics that sums up the whole thing.
This is beautiful and fantastic!

PeanutPhoebe, here for a review!! Okay, so this was an interesting poem, but to me it almost seemed like a list. One technical thing:

"Do not open you eyes."

That should be "your" there.

"Stomach rushes to throat."

That line really just seemed awkward to me, and I think it's because of the verb. All of the other verbs are imperative, but this one is indicative. Kind of confusing. Other than that, Great job!! I feel like you really capture the "feeling" of flying. Keep Writing!!

Lady Celestia, the Golden Knight.

Hi, I am The Raven and I've read through your work. It is okay, I suppose, and as long as it's not bad, it's good. I'm not terribly thrilled, if you want my honesty, but don't let me get you down! There could be a number of factors contributing to my lack of interest. Maybe I'm too old, and this poem could have moved me if I'm younger and less experienced. Maybe I'm just being too strict, and it would have done fine for like 95% of the people out there. However, I believe I can help you improve this work, if you'd let me. Do note that I am not fully practised in the art of poetry, so I can't help you as much as a full-fledged poet. My review will be divided between The Good and What Needs Improvement/Suggestions. Now, let's get down to business...

The Good:
1) I like how you reversed the orientation of the sky and the ground such that the sky is the ground. It's vertigo for some, freedom for others. It reminds me of how I would lie down on the ground (or sit-up bench these days) and look up into the sky, unable to help thinking that I could just stand on it. It captures the feeling of freedom, and flying, and how they are related.

2) 'You don't need to see'. 'Feel the ground vanish'. These are incredibly accurate ways to explain freedom, and the power it could give you, or at least your imagination, to reject the material world. Well done!

What Needs Improvement/Suggestions:
1) Most of what is written in this piece of poem could be taken almost literally, minus the 'you as bird' layer. This is bad in the sense that it 'cheapens' your words, and poems are famed for the paradox of possessing both brevity as well as volume (hidden in every single word and in between words). If everything can only be taken almost literally, all that volume would be gone, leaving only the brevity intact, defeating the purpose of a poem. In adding multiple layers of meaning into each word, each line, each stanza, you could, in a sense, stretch your word count by giving the reader multiple ways of reading your work, multiple lenses to look through to see your work. The only advantage as of now in this case in being literal is that it makes your work highly accessible, but the benefit of this does not outweigh the harm that being too simple in poetry could do.

2) There is not much rhythm, not much pattern, alliteration, devices whatsoever. This issue feeds into the above, as these are some intangible ways you could affect additional meaning. On the other hand, it simplifies your poem further, and without any of this, it reduces your poem into little more than prose, cut up into pieces and arranged into lines and stanzas. I realise that this view is old-fashioned, but it did have the advantage of being tried and true, and most people will detect what you're doing with these, as being old-fashioned, it's the universal language of poetry. Note that this has nothing to do with your mode of poetry - you seem to be freeversing, but not as extreme as Walt Whitman, but... yeah, all the above.

3) So one advice I could give you is to 'show rather than tell', the buzzphrase for all writers, no matter what they're writing. Explain the exhilaration and not fear you feel when you take off! How does the wind ruffle your feathers? How does it feel to run hard and fast, to let the wind catch under your wings? Your audience would like to know. You have gained their attention, and you must sustain it!

That's all I have so far for you. I believe this can be improved, and it looks like it can be the basis of something bigger, something grand. I have no doubts whatsoever that if you try hard, you might just see that grand ship-of-the-line sailing in the horizon.

The Messenger Knight here to review for the Knights of the Green Room.
So, this review is for my fifth star!!!! Anyway: the review:
I thought there were a few places where you should use a period instead of comma, or at least a semicolon. noticeably at the beginning of the first two stanzas. I felt that they definitely could use some looking at. other than that it seemed pretty good. i liked how you explained and described it all Very imaginable and fun-sounding.
Keep it up!

This is a very well done poetry. You must try another one. You can write better. Keep writing. It's fun. Your work is fine.

Nice work.

Wow really nice poem. 10 out of 10

wow, you can really write well. keep on writing my dear