Here you are in my head
Like a broken record stuck in one spot.
Why can't I forget you?
We aren't even friends--not anymore.
It wasn't on purpose, I know.
We just fell apart.
It was all my fault I suppose;
I was too shy after I saw the truth,
Saw how I felt about you,
Saw how I'd always felt about you.
Such innocence!
Can't we just be kids again?
Unaware of the complications of life,
Friends forever.
But after the day I saw you cry,
I forgot how to talk around you,
How to act.
It was as if I'd had a revelation
That I wish I could take back.
If I'd remained clueless, then maybe
We'd at least be friends today?
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139,521 Literary Works • 672,596 Reviews
Hi, LGF here to give you a review.
Well I actually read this while listening to Avril Lavigne, so it came out kinda slightly punk and in your face, but when I took my earphones out and read it again it became a beautiful love poem.
I thought you'd done a great job with this, with conveying the heartbreaking emotion of losing a person you truly cared about, without telling them how you felt.
Have you experienced this?
That's a really important question, because it seemed emotional and raw and if you hadn't you'd be an extra-ordinary writer to be able to fake this emotion.
Anyway, back onto the review.
I like how it didn't need to rhyme but still had a good flow to it, so it could of almost been lyrics if you wanted it to be. Overall I loved your style, the flow and the real emotion behind the well-picked vocabulary.
Here are some of my favorite lines;
Can't we just be kids again?
Unaware of the complications of life,
and;
We aren't even friends--not anymore.
It wasn't on purpose, I know.
Thanks for posting and hope you liked the review!
LGF
I'm so glad you liked it! And yes, this is what I have experienced and am experiencing. It's not so painful anymore though, just sort of bittersweet and nostalgic. I really appreciate your review!!
No problem, it was a pleasure reviewing such a beautiful work!
This poem is both beautifully written and relatable to most of all teenagers. It simply, yet truly, expresses how growing apart and friendships change during these times.
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it!
I love this poem and could feel the emotion illuminating from it.
These two lines tugged at my heart strings so much. This poem did have some other great lines but for me this was best of them. Well done.
Even though I have seen this subject matter done before in poems I felt like you took the concept and made it original.
The ending:
I felt was very powerful and loved how you ended on a question.
All in all I thought you did a phenomenal job on this poem. The emotion was strongly felt and you did well on tackling this type of subject matter. Happy writing!
Thanks so much for your review!!! However, I have a question. HOW did you review this...? I haven't published it yet....
I just...found it. I have no idea how it happend. I didn't even know it wasn't published.
Haha, that's funny. Well, I do appreciate the review! The only reason it's not published is I haven't been on enough to earn the points.