z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Laughter

by Liaya


What was left to me was laughter.

I was desperate, I was confused;

All I wanted to do was cry.

But I couldn't.

There were too many people about

And no quiet place to turn to.

Therefore, I couldn't cry.

-

And so I laughed.

-

This emptiness inside of me

Had to be filled,

Somehow,

Even though it seemed an endless hole.

If I could not fill it with tears of sorrow,

Then perhaps smiles and laughter

Would make my heart less hollow.

-

And so I laughed;

I think I sounded hysterical.

-

My friends knew that laughter was sadness,

Desperation, pain,

And fear of becoming too numb

To feel any of it ever again.

Everything was so funny

When all I wished to do was hide away,

Sobbing, never to see anyone again.

-

The laughter became uncontrollable.

Tears of mirth ran from my eyes.

All my friends laughed as well.

-

I guess that's why you can't expect to see

Sorrow etched in someone's face

As though engraved into stone.

My sorrow became laughter,

But I didn't feel it any less.

What has your sorrow become?

Does anyone know if it's even there?

-

Maybe now it will become laughter.

And I found, in the end,

If you laugh and smile for long enough

The numbness will slowly wane

And you can be happy again

And show the world your light,

A light to be extinguished no more.

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32 Reviews

Points: 202
Reviews: 32

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Mon Mar 07, 2016 5:00 pm
Jpwriter wrote a review...



wow this is awesome. I really want to know what's happening, behind the words, behind the laughter I guess. a death, some other tragedy. and to me this feels like its from the heart, pure feelings poured onto a page and spread to tell this poem. its good, really good, I also like your use of pathos or the appeal to the heart you take something we all feel and know well. that pain that burns but does not come in tears but in laughter. nice job keep on writing from the heart like you did here and your set for an awesome career.




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1274 Reviews

Points: 35774
Reviews: 1274

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Mon Mar 07, 2016 2:46 am
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niteowl wrote a review...



Hi there Liaya! Niteowl here to review!

Overall, I find the emotions and the process described in this poem very relatable. However, a lot of it feels vague and repetitive.

I like the first line, but the rest of the first stanza feels bland. There's a hint of imagery with "There were too many people about", so I would build off that to make the reader feel the emotions without having to flat-out say them. Also, I dislike the repetition of "I couldn't cry".

The next stanza honestly could be cut entirely. Emptiness feeling like a hole, a weird rhyme between "sorrow" and "hollow"...I think you could jump straight to "My friends knew..." without losing anything.

In that stanza, two lines end with the word "again", possibly trying to rhyme with "pain"? Again, I feel like this stanza could be trimmed.

My friends knew that laughter was sadness,
fear of becoming too numb
To feel anything.
I made everything sound funny
When all I wished to do was hide away
Sobbing, never to see anyone again.


That's my suggestion, but of course you can play with it.

What has your sorrow become?

Does anyone know if it's even there?


Someone told me a long time ago to be careful with rhetorical questions in poems. I think that applies here. This poem is about your story and your emotions, so when you suddenly ask me a question, it shifts the focus and messes with the flow of the poem.

Maybe now it will become laughter.


I would modify this line. The speaker's been laughing the whole poem. I would revise to something like, "In time, the laughter grew sincere". Other than that, I like the hopeful attitude of the last stanza.

Overall, I really like the cycle of emotions in this poem. Keep writing! :D





To have more, you have to become more. Don't wish it was easier - wish you were better. For things to change, you have to change, and for things to get better, you have to get better.
— Jim Rohn