Hear me
As I cry out
As I falter.
Don’t silence me,
Not now
When I have lost all strength left for singing
And my song has turned to heartbreak.
-
Take me as I stand,
Alone and weary,
Hurt and broken.
Can you repair me?
Or are my fragments too jagged,
Too many and too cold
To repair?
-
Piece by piece,
Perhaps,
I shall come back together.
Little by little,
I shall find my voice.
Then do not stop me
As I sing out. Let me show the world
As I sing
Joy and sorrow,
Bliss and agony,
Good and evil,
Light and dark,
Forgiveness and wrath--
All that which is within me.
-
There is beauty in me yet
If you will heal me enough
To open up and show you
What is trapped inside,
Fighting to escape
In a flash of rainbow emotion.
This beauty I seek
Might be right inside,
But it’s darkness
Because my light
Has dimmed to shadow.
-
And I
Once shining
Am crying
For you to hear me—
No, listen,
Hear me as I sing.
Hear my song.
Hear me.
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140,238 Literary Works • 673,049 Reviews
Hey there!
Well, this was really well-written. I was afraid it would turn out to be one of the more cliche poems, but it wasn't. Definitely not. The rhythm was good, as was the word choice. It provided a fine amount of imagery.
"Forgiveness and wrath--
All that which is within me." <-- Great. Just great.
"And I
Once shining
Am crying
For you to hear me-" <-- These lines are very emotional. They go really well with the rest of the poem.
I think the only thing you could improve on would be how closely the words "song", "sing", and "singing" are placed. The repetition is alright, but it seems just a tad awkward with those words so near each other. Other than that, you're doing really well!
Have a nice day,
DarkHeart
Thank you very much!! Your comments are useful and you made me feel happy! Thank you for your review!
Hi there! Cricket here for a review!!!
Hmmmmm, I'm going to start off with the nitpicks. Its kind of my style.
So my first thought was that this piece is way too long. I think you could shorten it up just a bit why'll still getting the main idea in. That's my main thought, but I'm going to go through and just point out a couple of stuff that I thought could use changing.
This line didn't really make much sense to me. I'm pretty sure it's saying that she lost all her strength for singing, and then it goes on about how her song was turned to heartbreak. So I'm not entirely sure what was meant by it, but..... just something I think you could look at.
Nothing big though, its not a huge problem.
OK, this lines are absolutely amazing. Just wanted to tell you that.
I just think you could add a word here. Between "am" and "crying" I think you could add "now". Just think it would sound better is all.
Overall though; excellent, and beautiful idea! I have rather a soft spot when it comes to singing, sooo.... you might get why I really like this piece. So well done!!!!
-
Thank you for your suggestions! They're very helpful. I'll consider them carefully!
Hey!! BitterRosemary here to give you a review!! Let's get started!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is gorgeous. Literally. Beautiful.
I love the simple format. It has somewhat complicated lyrics, so keeping the format simple is important.
The raw emotion in this piece is evident.
The beauty is incredible.
The desperation shines through, and it wrenches the reader's heart along with yours.
I am not a fan of
" Joy and sorrow,
Bliss and agony,
Good and evil,
Light and dark,
Forgiveness and wrath. "
simply because I feel like this is not only extremely cliche but too much contrast. Some readers will disagree, but I just don't like this section at all. It is slightly disconnected from the rest of the stanza that it is in, and it's confusing. Yes, your singing about joy, sorrow, bliss, agony, good, evil, light, and dark. But why? I feel like that stanza should have concluded with a reason, but that is only my opinion.
Nevertheless, this is a good poem overall, and that is my only comment.
Well done, friend. 8 out of ten.
Never quit writing!
BitterRosemary
Thank you so much for your compliments and your suggestions. They're very helpful!