I close my eyes,
I listen to silence.
Just drink it in,
The scents and sounds;
I must empty my heart,
Make room for this feeling,
Which swallows me...
I open my eyes.
-
My heart bursting,
I now can see
This world of magic
Racing around me,
My own creation
Has taken me in, but
It's more than I imagined,
It's bigger than me.
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127,627 Literary Works • 671,485 Reviews
Strangely beautiful!
I want to read the book that this will be a part of! I love how it describes the feeling of silence!
It's a very musically haunting idea, you should lengthen it into a song! That would be so neat! Anyway, I loved it and it is perfect, especially to start a novel with!
Happy Review Day!
yubbies21
Thank you very, very much! I'm happy to know you liked it!
I loved the mystical feeling sounding this poem.
For me, I feel a very deep connection with this poem. The subject matter was very close to my heart.
I loved this line. As I was reading this poem I wished that this traveller could be myself. And that line explains how badly I wished it.
I really loved your ending also
I could just imagine the bewilderment on this traveller's face as he sees this magical realm.
Altogether this poem will have a soft spot within me. I loved the subject matter and how greatly the poem was written. Phenomenal job, keep up the fantastic work!
Thank you so much!!
Woah.
I really love this! It's got a certain kind of softness to it, yet it's also very adventurous. The rhythm of the first stanza is a little off, but the second stanza is perfect. I actually like it like this, because it's like before you opened your eyes to things, everything was off balance and out of rhythm, but then once you start opening your eyes to new things, you find your rhythm! It's very interesting the way you did that.
I love how you say "it's more than I imagined" because the things that we write and that we do, become bigger than we could ever think of. Or maybe I'm just very doubtful when it comes to my writing.
Your grammar is excellent. I love your use of spacings and punctuation. It makes it flow very well. Good job and keep up the good work.
Thank you so much!! I really appreciate knowing you enjoyed it so much!
Hey Liaya,
Happy to be the first to review your poem. I'm not an expert on poetry so you have to bear with me. Here goes
My heart bursting, <---Didn't feel this line spoke to me
I now can see (
( I liked this
This world of magic ( as it made my mind/ imagination full of endless possibilities
( of where you were taking me as the reader of this interesting
Racing around me, ( poem.
My own creation
Has taken me in, but
It's more than I imagined,
It's bigger than me.
Sorry I’m only commenting about that part as I liked it the most. And believe it or not I found it an inspirational story, well kind of. My advice to you make it into a short story, You seem like you have an imagination somewhere, so good luck.
If you do have short stories then please let me know, I find you fascinating.
Keep it up, And again good luck.
Thanks for delighting me,
BabyGiggles
I've only got a couple of short stories so far, and they're both about ghosts, lol. This is actually supposed to be the start of a short story, which I hope to post eventually. Thanks for the comments! They're helpful. I'm glad you liked it.
Ok , awesome keep me posted.
I'm excited to read them.